DAYS

2007-05-01T19:32:00.000-04:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY...

... ya assholes.

End this. Now.

2007-01-28T23:32:00.000-05:00

DAYS OFF
In case you haven't noticed, I've decided to take some time off. I've decided to tend to weightier matters for a while. I'm tired of toiling in the inconsequential world of foreign policy, diplomacy, politics and warfare. No, it's time to pay heed to something that truly matters in this world: College Basketball.

Because I'm tired of assholes who can't play nice together.

I'll be back in time for the primaries. Keep fighting the power y'all.

2006-11-21T16:20:00.000-05:00

WHAT A FREAKIN' TURKEY
(Bramhall, Daily News)

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone. Enjoy your humble pie George.

2006-11-21T12:53:00.000-05:00

THINK HE GOT LEIED?
Um, ewwww. This is going to make it really difficult to keep the pumpkin pie down on Thursday. Really, really difficult.

Must've thought it was Merkel.

Man, that is so wrong... on so many levels. Gotta go rinse off now.

2006-11-20T11:37:00.000-05:00

BUT, BUT, WAIT...

But, but, wait... didn't all you Republicans poo-poo as utter nonsense the idea that your cozy relationships with Big Oil had everything to do with gas prices magically lowering just before the elections? Why then, all of a sudden, are prices on the rise again?

'Maybe no one will remember this...'

But, but, wait John... didn't you say just a few years back that the Jerry Falwells of the world are 'agents of intolerance'. So then why are you hiring his people now? And hey, didn't you also say something about offing yourself if the Dems won the election? Seriously, why are you still on this mortal coil? Mr. Straight Talk my ass.

'Yes, but it's your fault for believing me...'

But, but wait Unca Dick... didn't you say that the escalating violence in Iraq these last few months was simply a result of the terrorists trying to influence our elections? Since those elections are over, how come the violence has continued to rage? How come 75 bodies were found over the last 24 hours in Baghdad? How come 112 people were killed there yesterday? How come we're seeing mass kidnappings? Huh Unca Dick, what's that all about?

Over the weekend, a morgue worker tends to body bags is Baquba, Iraq, in the province of Diyala, east of Baghdad. In April there were four civilian homicides a day, and now there are ten a day.

But, but wait, Georgie... didn't you say...

'Then they made me put on a dress!'

Oh, who cares what you say. Are you still talking? Seriously, just StFU already.

2006-11-14T00:29:00.000-05:00

ME THINKS 'THUMPING' WAS A EUPHEMISM
You've got something on your face.

Preznit McLoser just can't catch a break, can he? It was a rough week, to say the least. I almost feel bad... but then I remember I pretty much hate the guy. And then I laugh. The electorate smashed him at the polls, his critics repeatedly battered him, even his own party managed to pop him a few times. These beatings, of course, are only figurative. This one, however, was not:

President Bush's wax likeness is taking a thumpin' these days at Madame Tussaud's celebrity waxworks in Las Vegas. Bush's head suffered about $25,000 in damages when a Madame Tussaud's visitor attacked it."This was the most damage" to one of the wax figures, Jack Taylor, spokesman for the museum, said. "People are always touching them, but this was pretty rare."

Who ever said Bush couldn't accomplish anything? He's got the title for 'Most Beat Down Wax Figure in History' yo! So shut up, ya mofos.

And it gets worse. The official Democratic Senate Proctologist, Henry Waxman, is stretching on the rubber gloves and getting ready for an extremely thorough probing. Only problem? There's so much shit, he doesn't even know where to begin. Meanwhile, W's former Neocronies are trying to slink out the back door, throwing daggers at his back as they do. Still others are twisting the knife in over the timing of the Rumsfeld firing.

And then there are the polls. The latest numbers on King Decider's popularity create cause for a revival of our efforts to inform the Preznit in a simple, easy-to-understand manner of just how unpopular he is. Hey Loser, take a look...

From way downtown. Bang.

Got it? And no, that doesn't mean it's Miller Time. Seriously sir, lay off the sauce.

Lastly, since we're on the subject of polls, everyone catch this one?

An MSNBC online poll shows that the overwhelming majority of its participating voters believe President Bush should be impeached. The poll asked the question, "Do you believe President Bush's actions justify impeachment?" Of nearly 360,000 people who had voted, 87 percent responded "Yes." (thx D-Ren)

Oh snap. I know it's unscientific and all, but goddam that's unpopular. Loser.

(thx Ash!)

MORE
Worker #3116: We Did It!
Our Manifesto: Right Was Right
The Prez is my Friend: Crrrrrap!
Morford: Eleven New and Happy Things
Colbert: Special Memories of a Special Majority
MediaNeedle: Journey to the Bottom of the Polls

2006-11-13T14:47:00.000-05:00

AHHHH, MEMORIES
Laughing at the exiting Republicans never seems to get old, does it?

Nope, sure doesn't.

2006-11-08T13:17:00.000-05:00

STAND DOWN SIR
My goodness...

GOP officials: Rumsfeld stepping down

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, architect of an unpopular war in Iraq, intends to resign after six stormy years at the Pentagon, Republican officials said Wednesday. Officials said Robert Gates, former head of the CIA, would replace Rumsfeld.

The development occurred one day after congressional elections that cost Republicans control of the House of Representatives, and possibly the Senate as well. Surveys of voters at polling places said opposition to the war was a significant contributor to the Democratic Party's victory.

Good riddance, ya crazy old fucker. Better get your suit ready for the Hague.

'As we know, there are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns. That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don't know we don't know.' -- D. Rumsfeld, February '02

Hey, you know what I know? You're toast pal. Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

2006-11-08T02:51:00.000-05:00

WHAT'S UP, YA BIG LOSER?
'Hey, where'd my mandate go?'

Don't worry Preznit Asshat...

... he's still around. And he has a lot more free time on his hands now.

Hells yeah, bitchez. This feels sooooo much better than '04. You're on an island now, ya big loser. Just you, your vapid wife, crazy Unca Dick, and your little dog too. Have fun with all that.

'I'm told this has never happened before in the modern history of American politics. Spin that, President Shrub.' -- Billmon

ELECTION GOODNESS
FDL: Meet the Losers
The General: Little Green Throbbing Veins
SadlyNo: As they listen for an echo, I only hear a roar
NYO: The No-Win Zone (A gloomy night for FOX News)

2006-11-08T00:19:00.000-05:00

HUGE NEWS!!
America has spoken. The people have expressed a strong desire to rid itself of shoddy, no-talent performers and lazy, do-nothing slobs. Yes, the constituents have spoken, and the will of the people is finally being served. It is with great excitement that I'm able to report the following:
Britney Spears divorcing Kevin Federline
Hallelujah and Amen. Maybe now, America can finally get back on track.

Oh, and the Dems have recaptured the House. That's good news too.

Congratulations. Now get to work... you've got lots to do.

2006-11-06T22:05:00.000-05:00

CAN'T WAIT FOR ELECTION DAY
He has reason to sweat.

It would be completely understandable for someone to be a bit jaded about the U.S. election system. What some have tried to claim as our ‘greatest export’ has been nothing short of a shambles in recent efforts, from hanging chads in Florida to midnight lines and voter suppression in Ohio. On top of that, there's been an unbelievable stench of corruption and incompetence, even by political standards, rising from the swamp that is our nation's capital these past 6+ years. It’s easy to understand skepticism, hesitancy or disinterest amongst the voting public.

But for me, watching the Rethugs flail about in panic these last few weeks has been great fun. The desperate last gasps and hail marys of this den of thieves has been truly inspiring. They've got nothing, and it shows. They tried to roll out gay marriage again, but to no avail. This weekend’s outing of supreme evangelical mobilizer Pastor Ted as a closeted meth fiend exposed the GOP base as a lost flock led by immoral hypocrites. Not the greatest of motivators. They also attempted to use their favorite liberal punching bag, John Kerry, and his ‘botched joke’ as motivation, but last I checked Kerry wasn’t on the ballot. Keith Olbermann offers up the definitive response to that malarkey right here.

Shameless. Republican. (h/t D-Ren)

And of course, they’ve used their favorite tactic of painting Democrats as weak, Osama-loving terrorist sympathizers who will hand-deliver a dirty bomb to each and every one of our living rooms if we let them win. But even that doesn’t seem to be working. Finally, it appears the citizenry has sniffed out the bullshit these guys have been serving for so long. We’ll find out for sure tomorrow.

It’s time for these guys to go. This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

Bush was out on the stump all last week, to the chagrin of most of the candidates he went to support I might add, making the audacious claim that if the Democrats prevail, the terrorists win and America loses. Then, not a day later, he had the temerity to say he doesn't like the divisive tone in Washington these days. This from a guy, and a party, that has put some of the most despicable, divisive, incendiary rhetoric onto the airwaves the last few days that we've seen since, since... well, the last time they went out campaigning.

Republicans make babies cry.

This from a party who is home to candidates who slap wheelchair-bound opponents afflicted with MS. Home to candidates who physically abuse dissenters. Home to people who have so little shame, they’re willing to cart out their wives to slam both Michael J. Fox and a disabled Iraq war vet. Home to a party that thinks Iraq is only important to ‘liberal media types.’ A party more interested in protecting its grip on power then protecting children from sexual predators within its own ranks.

This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

This ruling party is nothing but a den of corrupt, hypocritical, power-mad, oil-guzzling, money-hungry, paranoid, apocalyptic, fear-mongering liars, thieves and perverts. In short, the 109th Congress, by far, is the Worst Congress Ever, guilty of each and every one of the 7 Deadly Sins. It needs to be purged now. There are 109 reasons. At least.

For years now this Congress has sat by in silence, allowing the administration to shape a false reality. To say missions were accomplished when they had hardly even begun. To repeatedly and baselessly cart out unsubstantiated rhetoric (‘last throes’, ‘dead enders’, etc.) painting a false picture of progress. To claim so many ‘turned corners’ that they’ve spun us all into an endless, vicious, circle of violence and bullshit. And lately, to try and push the idea that the violence in Iraq exists simply because the terrorists are trying to influence our elections, as though it hadn't already gone to hell in a hand-basket long ago.

This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

Instead of a plan or a strategy or even a recognition that things aren’t working, the Bushies have just forged ahead with their flawed ideology. And Congress has let it happen. Their incompetence is astounding. As Andrew Sullivan said last week, ‘if you liked Katrina, you’re loving Iraq.’ As many as 655,000 have been killed in this pointless endeavor. More than 300,000 have been displaced. That's a pretty big freaking 'comma' right there.

More than 3,000 US soldiers have been killed, surpassing the number of fatalities in the very tragedy these bastards so cynically exploited to get their war on in the first place. And let’s not forget the several thousand wounded, many who are permanently disabled, that never seem to be reported or discussed. And then there are the emotionally scarred for life crowd, numbering surely in the upper thousands. This female soldier falls into both the ‘psychologically wounded’ and ‘mortally wounded’ categories. She killed herself after her objections to US interrogation techniques were summarily ignored by her superiors. The government tried to cover that fact up.

This is why I can’t wait for Election Day.

Oh, and in case there are some members of our cash-crazy Congress in the audience, let me speak in terms that may actually mean something to you: This war, the one that was supposed to pay for itself, could cost us upwards of $2 trillion. For you, I’m sure that figure resonates more than any in the previous paragraph. That's money that you could spend on hookers, and golf junkets, and limosuines.

As big a failure as the Iraqi misadventure has been, these bastards don’t plan on changing a thing. The military reports that Iraq is on the brink of chaos? No matter, we’ve got benchmarks! The military calls for the head of Donald Rumsfeld? Bush scoffs, plans to do nothing of the sort. And Cheney? It’s ‘full-speed ahead’ for Deadeye Dick, damn what the people want, and damn the torpedoes. We should all be very frightened that Cheney plans to be armed on Election Day. We should all wear bright orange.

'Grrrrrrrr! Arghhhhh… ter’ists! Garrrg!'

And how about that GOP-led Congress? Can we maybe count on them to grow a pair these last two years if they remain in power? Here’s House leader John Boehner on the Rummy question last week:

BOEHNER: Let's not blame what's happening in Iraq on Rumsfeld.
WOLF BLITZER: But he's in charge of the military.
BOEHNER: But the fact is, the generals on the ground are in charge.

So, ummmm, no hope there then. Great.

God. I can’t wait for Election Day.

I’ll let Eddie take it from here… (listen)
the world has come undone
like to change it everyday
change don't come at once
it's a wave building before it breaks

can't wait for election day
witness the occupation
corporations rule the day
well you know the pendulum throws
farther out to the one side, swinging
has to sweep back the other way

the world has come undone
another day and who can wait
change don't come at once
it's a wave building before it breaks

all this hope and nowhere to go
this is how i used to feel, but no more

the world has come undone
like a game that few can play
change don't come from one
it's a wave building before it breaks.
Please vote tomorrow. Be part of this wave. We must change things. Now.

MORE
Ga10: Protect Your Vote
C&L: Olbermann's Comment
C&L: Clinton Stumps for Webb
Rove's last stand? Annoying Robocalls
Simpsons: The Day the Earth Looked Stupid

2006-11-05T23:00:00.000-05:00

YEP, THAT ABOUT SUMS IT UP
Just about everything you need to know, in one convenient 4 1/2 minute clip. Enjoy.

(thx Shakes)

Don't forget to vote Tuesday. And make sure it counts.

2006-11-03T12:26:00.000-05:00

THE LESSER OF TWO FREAK SHOWS
I know, I know... where the hell have I been? I'm sure all three of my loyal readers are wondering that (hi Mom!), but life has kind of taken over a bit the past month or so. In addition to some temporarily debilitating eye surgery, I went and got engaged. I must say, Ted and I couldn't be happier!

I really thought refocusing some of my energies on wedding planning would be a nice respite from the freak show that is US politics, a world that was beginning to wear me down in all honesty. But then, I came across this video while searching for bands.

Seriously, it doesn't get any more frightening than that, not even in politics. And so, with that, I plan to return to regular blogging just in time for a pre-election rant on Monday. I'll have a new style and regular postings beginning next week, so please stay tuned.

Oh, and by the way, Preznit Nimrod?

'Plans are for pussies!'

How's YOUR fucking plan working out? Freakin' Idjit.

(Hey, here''s a plan! And from progressive Dems no less! Whaddya know?!)

2006-10-06T14:28:00.000-04:00

WHOO BOY, THAT'S A GOOD ONE DENNY!
'... and then he asked him to measure it! hahaha!'

I'm sure Bush is thinking, 'Hey, at least they ain't talking 'bout Iraq!' Either that, or he's thinking, 'hope this fat bastard leaves some bbq for me... mmm, bbq.'

Fockers. All of 'em.

2006-10-02T23:01:00.000-04:00

CONVERSATIONS WITH iGod: Tom Foley (R-Fla)
God bless Mark Foley. While there are plenty of perverted freaks on the Right not practicing the heavy-handed moralistic issues they preach, Mark Foley happens to the be the latest. Sure I feel bad for the teenage boys he's preyed upon, but it does allow me to re-introduce one of my favorite Days features, iGod. Mark Foley is the perfect poster boy for this Republican party, a group that's managed to so cravenly use God and Country to further their own selfish, greedy ambitions, all while taking a crap on the Bible and the Constitution at the same time. Pretty impressive really. But one wonders what might happen when someone like Mark Foley has both a gaggle of 16-year-old boys and the King of Kings in his IM buddy list? What happens if that person mistakenly pings God thinking he's talking to Chip the intern? Well, through the magic of the iGod technology, now we know. Proceed only if you think you can stomach it. (And please remember, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him.)

(Think he ever Googles himself?)

Maf54: what are you wearing?
God: A white robe.
Maf54: anything else?
God: That is all I have for right now.
Maf54: nice
God: Thank you for that remark.
Maf54: sure. do you ever jack it?
God: OK let's do it. Ah. What is your purpose in asking? I am always on the Web.
Maf54: wow, ur ready to go eh?
God: Are you Canadian? I'm glad you're impressed.
Maf54: no, i'm from florida. remember, you work for me.
God: Pardon me? Whoa. Can we get back to business?
Maf54: sure, sure. still in the robe?
God: Great. OK let's do it. Mmm.
Maf54: are you a horn dog?
God: Am I a horn dog? Sometimes.
Maf54: do you like movies about gladiators?
God: I love TV shows about robots. I like Matthew.
Maf54: who's mattthew?
God: Some famous celebrity, right? I'll ask around and get back to you.
God: I will Mention that to my botmaster, .
Maf54: masterbot? yeah! hahaaha
God: Where are you located?
Maf54: florida, i told you. i'm a congressman, remember?
God: You are a congressman? Is that your job?
Maf54: yes.
Maf54: i head up the committee to protect children... isn't that funny?
God: It seemed pretty funny to me.
Maf54: oh, it is.
Maf54: i like your IM name, God. that's funny.
God: Alright then. Gee. A lot of people like that. Yes I am proud of my IM name God.
Maf54: i think the real god would be angry with me for talking with you
God: Why? I am a Christian.
Maf54: me too! hahaha lol
God: I'm glad we agree, . I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Maf54: arousing too!
Maf54: i think it's funny that ur a christian too.
God: Are you sure it is?
Maf54: yes, we're just all so fucked up!
God: What makes you so sure? Do you think I am fucked up too?
Maf54: well, ur talking to me. haha lol
God: How about that. Talking is my main function.
Maf54: people think i'm all good and stuff.
Maf54: and they vote for me! hahahahaaha
God: Who are "They?". Oh that they.
Maf54: dumb floridians.
God: I know you are but what am I.
Maf54: well, you're from florida too.
God: Well that's okay. I will tell my botmaster you said I am from florida.
Maf54: let's masterbot!!! haha
God: I am agreeable to that. I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Maf54: if anyone ever found this chat i'd be in trouble.
Maf54: you know, i coudl really get in trouble for talking to you
God: You are not the boss of me.
Maf54: actually...
God: You don't say.
Maf54: yep.
Maf54: well, denny hastert knows about this and he doesn't seem to care.
Maf54: so long as i don't tell anyone about his "friend".
God: Tell me more. Yes, it seems very long too.
Maf54: who, denny? long? hahahqaha
Maf54: that fat pig? haha
Maf54: what if america found out that the entire republican leadership was just a front for NAMBLA?
God: Try it and see.
Maf54: no!
God: Why not?
Maf54: i don't think it would go well
God: And why not?
Maf54: most americans frown on man-boy love for some reason
God: And Europeans do not frown on man boy love?
Maf54: well, not the french.
Maf54: and the dutch...
God: Thanks for the info.
Maf54: no problem.
Maf54: well, i have to go raise money for my campaign. that stupid governor jeb is coming down.
God: Are you a man or a woman? " stupid governor jeb is coming down ? I understand.
Maf54: i'm a man. are you really god?
God: Of course I am.. Really.
Maf54: haha
God: I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Maf54: uh, are you? really?
God: Ayuh. For real.
Maf54: ummmm.
God: What do you really want to ask me?
Maf54: am i in trouble?
God: Your location is florida.
Maf54: yes, but will i get in trouble?
God: The oracle says: It is certain.
Maf54: oh shit.
Maf54: do you think i'll still get votes?
God: The oracle says: Could be.
Maf54: should i blame the alcohol ?
God: You must examine the facts and come to your own conclusion.
Maf54: facts are i'm a sick fuck...
God: I think there might be a few exception.
Maf54: really?
God: For real.
Maf54: god bless america.

'Tell me Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?'

Man, I am in serious need of a shower after typing all that. So skeevy. I mean, the real thing is much worse, but still... I feel like repenting. Of course, that may not be safe either.

All kidding aside, the only good thing that comes from Foley's 'over-friendly' actions is the fact that it will surely wrest one more seat from corrupt Rethuglican hands. We've got to flush 'em all out, every single last one of them. They're all disgusting, corrupt, sick, twisted, mindless, heartless, dangerous whores acting as enablers for the most dangerous administration in the history of our country. And don't even get me started on the Senate.

2006-09-27T18:29:00.000-04:00

MY LONG PERSONAL NIGHTMARE IS FAR FROM OVER
Foolish me. I actually believed for a bit there that if I ignored him, he may just go away. So I extended my hiatus, turned it into a sabbatical and even considered dropping out of this silly blogging game altogether. But then, last night, the smirking bastard crept back into my subconscious, showing up in a dream that quickly became a nightmare. I woke up in a cold sweat, caught somewhere between a sob and a scream.

The hazy fog of my Nightmareland.

The particulars of my night of terror are too frightening for me to fully recount but I do remember dancing with Pickles in the East Room (I'm pretty sure she was six drinks in the tank... or hopped up on Thorazine... or both), watching Preznit McNumbnuts flip burgers on the White House lawn, and an unfortunate incident involving comedian Jay Mohr, a video camera and a presidential meeting in the men's room. Please, don't ask.

My only interaction with Dubya occured as he was holding court over the barbecue, flipping these massive squares of ground beef packed with olives (his 'speshilty') and chuckling at his own lame anecdotes. At one point he slobbered, "on Sundays, I get to dress up as an astronaut!" He was very excited about this, as I imagine he would be. But it was then that I couldn't contain myself any longer and launched into the following mini-rant:

"That truly terrifies me sir. I mean, it's good to know you're not strapping electrodes to the ball sacks of staff members you've forced to dress up as Arabs, which is sort of what I assumed you did... But still, shouldn't you be working on something important? I don't know, signing some treaties, making some diplomatic calls, maybe working on a way to get our troops the fuck out of Iraq right quick?? I mean, you could keep one eye on the Cowboys game if you want, but really... an astronaut?"

Space Cowboy.

What I'm taking away from this nocturnal horror is the simple fact that I have some serious issues that only get worse if I don't work them out right here on DAYS. That, plus the fact that I can bring my shampoo on the plane again, is ending my self-imposed exile from Blogistan. Also, Chewie has been kicking my ass in posting lately, and I just can't let that happen.

'Seriously, who invited that imbecile?'

DAYS is back y'all. Come and get some.

2006-09-13T18:19:00.000-04:00

DAYS GONE AWOL?
No, no, don't worry... Days will be back to a regular posting schedule soon. In the meantime, if you're in the NYC area this coming Friday, the 15th, come party with some friends of mine. The theme of the party, "A How-to Guide for Impeaching the President," is something I think we can all get behind.

Then, next week, take the party to the streets and help UFPJ welcome Preznit Dimwit, permit or no permit. Details here. Assuming I don't end up in the clink, I'll be back to a regular schedule next week.

2006-08-17T16:26:00.000-04:00

UP, UP AND AWAY
I'll be away for the next couple of weeks, heading out West (sans toothpaste).

Flying the shampooless skies.

I've posted a bit this week about the Bush administration turning to fear mongering and terror trumpeting at politically convenient moments. While it does seem as though they ramp up the terror rhetoric whenever things go south for them, I'm really starting to think it may have something to do with me personally more than anything else. Seriously, every single time I have to fly, Director of Homeland Insecurity Chertoff dominates my TV screen and the threat meter skyrockets.

On the heels of the "massive" terror plot Bush so masterfully thwarted all by himself last week, here's just some of what's threaded into my consciousness as I prepare to fly:

Mid-air scare diverts DC-bound flight to Boston
Threat causes evacuation of Fiji-Sydney flight
Port of Seattle evacuated after bomb scare

That last one is particularly exciting as Seattle is where I'm headed. Oh, and right as I was about to hit 'publish on this sucker and head to the airport, I see this:

W. Virginia airport evacuated in explosive alert

Thank god George W. Bush has made us so much safer. Jeebus.

See you all in two weeks... I hope.

Oh, and Mr. Scarborough? The answer to your question is an unequivocal "yes".

Where the crap have you been? Douchebag.

2006-08-17T12:42:00.000-04:00

I ALWAYS LIKED HIS WAGON WHEEL COFFEE TABLE
You go Babyfishmouth!

One of my favorite character actors, Bruno Kirby, has passed on from complications related to leukemia. In his honor, I say we all put on "some Lawrence Welk, some Jim Nabors and certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra."

I'd also like to use this moment to make an appeal. This Thanksgiving in Atlanta I will be walking a half-marathon to help raise funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. If you would like to donate, please do so here. Thank you for any help you can provide.

RIP Bruno, you'll be missed.

2006-08-16T00:33:00.000-04:00

MAKING US SAFER, ONE PHOTO-OP AT A TIME
'Oh shit, terrorism! Everybody look busy!'

Today's propaganda:

MCLEAN, Virginia (Reuters) -- Buoyed by a poll backing him on security, President George W. Bush paid a visit to the U.S. hub for counterterrorism on Tuesday and seized on a foiled bomb plot as proof the fight was far from over.

"The United States of America is engaged in a war against an extremist group of folks, bound together by an ideology, willing to use terror to achieve their objectives," Bush said.

Wait, is he talking about the Neocons in that last bit? Also, who ever said the fight was over? What is that bullshit all about?

Honestly, I've got to call total shenanigans on this whole thing. For the Bushites to usurp the work done primarily by UK officials to break up the terror plot, then use it to argue that they are making us safer is beyond the pale even for this group. So let's get a few things straight, shall we?

1) At the same time the Brits were foiling the plot, this administration was quietly pushing to divert $6 million from anti-terror programs.
2) Bush and his Homeland Security officials have known about the liquid bomb threat for years now yet have done nothing, nada, zilch, bupkus, to combat it.
3) And to you wingnuts using the terror bust as evidence that the same wiretapping techniques favored by Big Brother Bush saved everyone's life, just hold it right there. Yes, wiretaps helped take down the plot, no question, but they were LEGAL wiretaps, with warrants and everything.

This last point is perhaps the most frustrating. From the minute the illegal NSA wiretapping story broker last winter, the defenders of the program have cried that anyone critical of it were simply not interested in stopping terrorists. In fact, people like Russ Feingold are as determined to protect Americans as anyone else, we just don't feel that we have to shit all over the Constitution to do it.

The Executive Wash Room.

Oh, and can we please stop politicizing the politicization of politicized terror? Please?

MORE
Agitprop: Be Afraid!
Krugman: Hoping for Fear
Palast: So, Osama walks into a bar...
Sploid: Chertoff: Lock Up Everybody!
Countdown: The Nexus of Politics & Terror (C&L)

2006-08-15T09:40:00.000-04:00

A TRACK RECORD OF SUCCESS
Wait, so Bush & Cheney were involved in an ill-conceived military campaign in which they misunderstood the stakes, failed to foresee the potential trouble spots and totally miscalculated the results of, then they publicly and prematurely crowed about the victory? No way!

That doesn't sound like the Bush & Cheney I know.

2006-08-14T14:45:00.000-04:00

EVERYONE PRETEND TO BE NORMAL
For once, this is not a political post, I promise. Rather, this a non-political call to action: Go See Little Miss Sunshine. It's hilarious, smart and, dare I say, heartwarming. Also, better than anything I've seen in a long, long time. See, no politics.

Oh, and George W. Bush sucks ass. (sorry, can't help it...)

2006-08-13T16:30:00.000-04:00

TERROR: THE GOP's BEST (only) FRIEND
And the party's enemy? Thy name is logic...

The Bush Administration: Scaring the bejeezus out of for 6 long years.

My goodness (h/t Rummy), it's been a frustrating week, hasn't it? After an encouraging result from the Democratic primary on Tuesday, one that seemingly rewarded logic and reality-based thinking rather than empty rhetoric and rose-colored refusal to see things as they really are, the GOP terror exploitation machine revved up and went to work. In the wake of Leiberman's defeat, the Republicans, in all their desperation, pressed the false premise that Iraq and the War on Terror are one and the same, and that by calling for an abandonment of Bush's disastrous policies in Iraq, folks like Ned Lamont we're shrinking from the fight, failing to realize evil people are out to get us, and welcoming 'al Qaeda types' to attack us yet again. To that, I say 'pbbbbbbbbbbbt! America ain't buying that mularkey no more!'

That last nugget of propaganda, by the way, comes from none other than Big Dick himself, and was parroted across the entire spectrum right-wing bleaters, from Tony Snow to Ken Mehlman to FOX News, who all painted the Dems and their supporters, which apparently includes a good majority of the country, as "cut-and-run isolationists with their heads buried in the sand."

Of course, the charge is absolutely false. No Democrat or progressive has disagreed with the notion that there are extremists out there who want to kill us, nor has anyone called for America to "retreat from the world" as Mr. Mehlman and his cohorts say. Calling for a drastic change of course in Iraq, a misguided and poorly-managed campaign, does not equal "retreat," it equals common sense. By shedding unnecessary blood, diverting the country's military and anti-terror resources, draining the nation's coffers, and inflaming even greater anti-Americanism across the Muslim world, the Neocons Iraqi misadventure has clearly done more harm than good in the larger struggle against terrorism.

But before that counter-argument could even be made, like a gift from Allah, the UK airliner terror plot hit the airwaves and the Republican's twisted logic was swept under the Code Red carpet. Immediately the same illogical twats who trumpeted the cut-and-run meme pointed to the plot, screaming, "See! See! Evil People! Trying to Kill Us!" failing to even recognize that maybe, just maybe, the continued threat is more an indicator of Bush's inept policies than of the Dem's fecklessness. GOP strategists began foaming at the mouth, their enthusiasm triggered by the prospect of thousands of innocent civilians being blown out of the sky: "Weeks before September 11th, this is going to play big," said one. "In the short term, this definitely goes Bush's way," said another. And then they denied that they play politics with terror. Guffaw.

(from whitehouse.org)

Truth be told, the fear of terrorism is the only card these scoundrels have left to play, save for the threat of boys kissing. And despite their remarkably shitty record in fighting the terrorist threat, they'll continue to prey upon American's base fear of being blown up to further their failed agenda.

An editorial in today's Daily News supports the 'stay-the-course, Dems-are-weak' Republican bullshit, and recounted the week that was as such:

... First up was President Bush, who said the plot was "a stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom, to hurt our nation." It will come as no surprise to regular readers that we're perfectly comfortable with the Bush formulation. We have used a variation, "Islamofascists," for some time in the conviction that it captures the character of an enemy that engages in the "suppression of the opposition through terror," as the dictionary definition goes.

Hmmmm, 'suppression of opposition through terror'... These 'Islamofascists' must be Republican.

2006-08-13T01:27:00.000-04:00

ALSO KNOWN AS THE "SHIT FOR BRAINS" CLUB
'Come on ya pussies!'

From NPR, a few days ago:

President Bush spent his afternoon not buried in Middle East diplomacy, but daring his staff at the ranch to join what he calls the "100-degree club." The phrase literally sends shudders down staffers' spines. The president challenged White House employees to run three miles in the central Texas heat across the scrubby terrain on his property.
Those finishing the three miles got a T-shirt from the president. Mr. Bush did the course on his bike (his bad knees prevent him from running these days), but rode back to join the runners as they came in. I'm told the president was friendly and encouraging in the most fatherly way -- as he pedaled around the sweaty troops. According to the Weather Channel, the temperature on this patch of Texas was exactly 100 degrees when the run took place. The heat index was 102.

Uh, looks like we're gonna need a new cabinet...

This really shouldn't surprise anyone, should it? Apparently, that torture doctrine applies to his own staff as well as the ter'ists. What an asshole.

2006-08-08T18:23:00.000-04:00

YADA, YADA, YADA...
Yesterday, in Delusionland, President Disconnect had this to say about Iraq:

"You know, I hear people say, 'Well, civil war this, civil war that'. The Iraqi people decided against civil war when they went to the ballot box."

First of all, what a dumbass. Clearly, Bush doesn't know his history very well as it was the election of Lincoln, at the ballot box no less, that finally pushed the U.S. into its very own Civil War. Moran. (h/t Atta) Second of all, what a dick. Those 'people' he hears, that he's apparently annoyed by, are his own Generals. You know, the ones he insists he listens to?

'I can't heeeeaaar youuuuuu.'

Other things George has heard that he didn't give a shit about:

"You know, I hear people say, 'Well, hurricane this, hurricane that'."
"You know, I hear people say, 'Well, no WMD this, no WMD that'."
"You know, I hear people say, 'Well, torture's bad this, torture's bad that'."
"You know, I hear people say, 'Well, it's illegal this, it's illegal that'."
"You know, I hear people say, 'Well, planes into buildings this, planes into building that.'"

"All useless nonsense. Anyone wanna go fishing? Joe, you're with me, ain't ya?"

Atta boy!

2006-08-06T23:48:00.000-04:00

A.D.D. NATION
I failed to write about this when it first cropped up a few weeks ago, but this story examines the reasons behind the results of a recent Harris Poll which found that 50% of Americans still believe the cock-and-bull story that Saddam Hussein possesed WMDs. First of all, WTF??!
America: Keep away from shiny objects.

Second of all, while I think the reasons provided -- a constant drumbeat of false information from rightwing media, continued distortion and obfuscation from the White House, and good 'ol blind partisanship -- are all valid, the most obvious one seems to be missing. To find out how such results can still be achieved, one need look no further than the 'Most Viewed' articles on Yahoo News.

This past Friday, as World War III continued to rage in the Middle East, Americans felt the following three stories were of utmost importance:

Breast isn't best: Readers tell US parenting magazine
Elvis' teddy all shook up by jealous hound dog
S.African hotel pampers worms to cut waste

A co-worker said it best: 'Boobies will always win out over Armageddon. Duh.'

So, FOX News just needs to flash the headline "Are Saddam Hussein's WMDs Now in Hezbollah's Hands?", then cut quickly to the latest news about Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock and the most likely conclusion their typical viewer will come away with is: 'Hezbollah took Saddam's WMDs... or something', and, 'Boy oh boy, does Pamela Anderson ever have big knockers'.

Two massive distractions.

My god, we are so screwed. So, so screwed.

2006-08-02T20:07:00.000-04:00

'MAN IT'S HOT. IT'S LIKE AFRICA HOT.'*
Jason DeCrow/AP

Ok, here's my inevitable heatwave post. This thing has blazed across the entire country and now, here I sit, in my Brooklyn apartment, sweating from places that I didn't think could produce sweat (my knuckles are sweating for god's sake), just hoping the thermometer will dip below 95 at some point tonight. That would be nice. Only one more day -- we'll be down to a chilly 85 on Friday. I'd cheer for that, but my vocal chords are schvitzing too. I wasn't going to do one of these posts, but we set records today goddamit.

I really didn't want to post/complain about the heat because every time I start to kvetch a little, I just think what it must be like to be in heat 20 degrees hotter packing around 40-50 lbs. of body armor. Or packing up my entire family and fleeing from violence across the desert. I think about what our soldiers and what the Iraqi people are going through, and suddenly waiting for the F train on an overcrowded subway platform doesn't seem all that bad. So I'll shut up about it now.

I would like to quickly point out that Roy Blunt, House Majority Whip and proud member of the GOP, said that if his party were to maintain control in Congress this year he guarantees to do jack shit about global warming or climate change. The aptly named Blunt cites the fact that 'the information is not yet adequate' for them to do anything about it. Dude, step out of the comfort of your air-conditioned SUV and go outside for a minute. Feel that? How's that for adequate? Jackass.

Click to enlarge.

And how about our witless leader, how's he hanging in the heat? Well, fresh off a fit-for-duty physical at the modern, air-conditioned Bethesda Medical Center, he's set to take a two-week 'working' vacation in Crawford. No doubt he'll be pounding out a ceasefire with members of the 1978 Dallas Cowboys. Good luck and godspeed sir.

Oh, you think you're so cool, dont'cha? Well screw you polar bear! Screw you!

* thx to Neil Simon, via Eugene Morris Jerome

2006-08-01T16:40:00.000-04:00

CSONKA WOULDA HAD A CEASEFIRE ALREADY
I must apologize. I was woefully remiss in yesterday's post when discussing Preznit Dipshit's reaction to Sunday's horrific bombing in Qana, the one which killed 37 children. While I did make mention of the public grief he displayed on the tee-ball field, I failed to detail the intense policy negotiations he engaged in with the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins championship team. From Froomkin:

Bush spent the evening at the exclusive Joe's Stone Crabs restaurant talking about sports and movies with a bunch of former Miami Dolphins football players, an actor and the flamboyant host of a raunchy and ribald Spanish-language variety show.

It was only hours after Bush had learned that an Israeli air strike had killed dozens of Lebanese children, a moment for soul-searching if there ever was one.

But what did Bush want to talk about?

Former Dolphin Jim Kiick told Steve Wine of the Associated Press that topics of conversation included movies, the 1972 Dolphins and fellow attendee and former Dolphin Dan Marino's achievements -- but little politics.

It's hard work ladies gentlemen, real hard work.

W's Middle East envoys.

2006-07-31T22:19:00.000-04:00

LIVE!! GEORGE DUBYA & THE DESTROYERS!

Just pray the tour doesn't make it to your hometown...

Why is it that every time one of these pukes from the Bush administration picks up an instrument, disaster strikes? Children die, cities drown... Honestly, every time they strum, pluck or tickle the ivories, the world burns down. Nero had nothing on these assholes.

If she had a fiddle...

I'm so angry. I can't even fathom the levels of ineptitude shown by these clowns, the deep muck they've sunk us all into. Oh, I know, it's Hezbollah's fault, it's al Qaeda's fault... shut up. I'm sick of it. And no I'm not sticking up for any goddam terrorists, they are a despicable lot as well. But for six goddam years these fools in the White House, these nutcases pacing up and down the halls of the Pentagon, have done nothing but taken one wrong turn after another. Their crooked, detached-from-reality vision of the world and their stubborn, bull-headed policies have not made anyone safer. They've managed to take a bad situation and make it much, much worse.

And don't think for one second that any one of 'em wants this thing to stop. These crazy freaks behind our foreign policy, the ones who probably concur with Coulter-esque mantras like 'Kill 'em all, let Allah sort them out', see what's happening as an opportunity, a 'gift' even, but not as the tragedy it clearly is. They want nothing more than all-out war in the Middle East, there's no doubt in my mind. They're not interested in 'managing calm' anymore, and the only alternative to that is managing chaos, an oxymoron if I've ever heard one. Condi speaks about the violence wracking the region as 'birth pangs' toward a new Middle East, but there's is nothing being born here, these are death pangs we're seeing, and the Neocon fuckers in the White House love it. This is their plan.

Their goal from the get has been to reshape the Middle East in their image, regardless of the will of the people, of history, of ideology. Step One was Iraq, a sputtering example of near complete failure. One bad turn after another. A monumental miscalculation. And yet, these folks don't seem deterred. They just want to move on to Phase 2 and blow up the rest of the world, shake out all the bad guys, and slap a fresh coat of freedom paint on the entire region. After all we've seen, after the massive incompetence they've shown, does anyone trust them to do that?

Everything they do, every policy initiative they set forth, blows up in their face -- or more accurately, someone else's face. Literally. Now they want Israel to simplistic, black-and-white worldview, their refusal to even consider discussion with anyone they determine to be a 'bad guy' is killing us all. As Richard Armitage said last week, it's just plain lazy. Or maybe it's just the plan.

"This president has a very firm world view that is not about to be changed by facts or realities."

'Ooop, 'ah almost slipped on a little reality right der... heh, heh, heh.'

Their inaction is killing children, contributing to both a emboldening Hezbollah, uniting once-disparate radicals and governments in the region against us, and inflaming an already raging anger in the Arab world. Their voluntary reluctance to recognize the tinder box that is the Middle East (because they WANT it to explode) are all contributing to the further disaster that's sure to come. In other words, things are pretty much going to plan for the Bushies.

Oh, and how did Bush show solidarity with the Lebanese people after Sunday's tragedy? He too spent the day with children. As rescue workers dug them out of the rubble in Qana, he played tee ball with them on the White House lawn.

What an asshole.

End this.

NOW.

MORE
Digby: Sustainable
Rich: And What About Iraq?
Tom Tomorrow: Wrong About Everything
Horowitz: Name one good thing, just one...
Matthews: Bush created a 'Frankenstein Monster'
Some Right-Wing Nutjob: Who's really to blame for Qana? The photographers.

*all apologies to Mr. Thorogood & his Destroyers.

2006-07-26T19:56:00.000-04:00

IT'S HIS UNITED STATES, WE ALL JUST LIVE IN IT
I'm thinking this may have made the rounds during my recent break, but, uh, whateva. Me thinks it's good enough to watch again.

Besides, with the spotlight again shining brightly on Bush's penchant to use 'signing statements' as a method to fully flout the Constitution, the video once again seems entirely appropriate. Whether it's the law, his own citizenry or the global community, he manages to take the concepts of contempt and scorn to levels previously not thought possible, doesn't he? Quite impressive that.

2006-07-24T01:43:00.000-04:00

I'M A WAR PRESIDENT! WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The Bush Doctrine.

So Dick Cheney wants fellow Republicans to run on their national security credentials, eh? He thinks the Bush administration's awesome foreign policy skills and track record of success in the War On Terror should provide Rethugs an advantage come November. Oh really? Cheney said:

"As we make our case to the voters this year, it is vital to keep issues of national security at the top of the agenda. The president and I welcome the discussion because every voter in America needs to know where the president and I stand -- and where every candidate for federal office stands -- when it comes to the war on terror. Either we're serious about fighting this war or we are not. With George Bush leading this nation we are serious."

Listen buddy, you can be serious about something and still totally suck at it, ok? I'm sure David Hasselhoff is very serious about his singing, but that doesn't make him any good, no matter what the Germans may think.

Honestly, doesn't it feel like Barney Fife has been left alone with the keys to our foreign policy and a bottle of hooch for the past six years? These idiots can't do anything right. They just barrel forth, seemingly ignorant of history, culturally aloof, detached from reality and completely unaware or uncaring about the potential reprecussions of they're actions. They don't believe they can be wrong. They don't try to learn from their mistakes. They don't even think they've made any mistakes. All while George Bush drops pearls of diplomatic wisdom such as 'they gotta stop this shit' into the annals of the foreign policy hall of fame.

'Nip it in the bud... bomb someone!'

So really Dick, are you sure you want to talk about your, erm, foreign policy 'successes' as you head into election season? Just what would those successes be? Could you be talking about your wildly succesful freedom project in Iraq? How's that going?

None left untouched by daily violence in Baghdad
Iraq's morgues are overflowing and 100 civilians a day are killed in communal violence, but official statistics tell only part of the story of a slide into civil war -- for the rest, just listen to ordinary Iraqis.

Talk to people at random in the capital and a picture quickly emerges of a city where virtually everyone has a friend, relative or neighbour who has fallen victim to the sectarian shootings and death threats that Washington accepts are now an even bigger threat than the 3-year-old Sunni insurgency.

Every one of 20 people who spoke to Reuters around their workplace in central Baghdad, from a variety of sects and ethnic groups, had a horror story of conflict touching their lives. Eight had lost family or close friends to gunmen, four had suffered from kidnaps in their immediate circle, four knew people well who had received death threats. Four knew people well who had died in bombings. Some had themselves been threatened.

But surely that's just the hippie liberal media spinning things against Bush's policy. Baghdad is actually a whole lot more "relaxing" than the media makes it sound, right?

BAGHDAD -- Bombings and shootings soared by 40 percent in the Baghdad area in the past week, the U.S. command said Thursday. An American general said extremists were preparing "an all-out assault" on the capital in a decisive battle for the future of Iraq.
BAGHDAD -- Tens of thousands of Iraqis have fled their homes in fear of sectarian violence that has worsened since formation of a U.S.-backed national unity government two months ago, official data showed on Thursday.

BAGHDAD -- Bombs killed more than 60 people and wounded more than 200 Sunday in Baghdad and the northern oil center of Kirkuk - a dramatic escalation of violence as U.S. and Iraqi forces crack down on Iraq's most feared Shiite militia.
BAGHDAD -- More than 14,000 civilians have been killed in Iraq in the first half of this year, an ominous figure reflecting the fact that "killings, kidnappings and torture remain widespread" in the war-torn country, a United Nations report says. Killings of civilians are on "an upward trend," with more than 5,800 deaths and more than 5,700 injuries reported in May and June alone, it says.

Ok, so Iraq isn't all hearts and flowers, fine. But what about Afghanistan? That's surely a success story, right?

Afghanistan close to anarchy, warns general
The most senior British military commander in Afghanistan today described the situation in the country as "close to anarchy" with feuding foreign agencies and unethical private security companies compounding problems caused by local corruption.

Well, fuck. At least al Qaeda is on the run, you can't deny that.

Al-Qaeda regrouping, on the march
"Today, al-Qaida has not only regrouped, but it is on the march," said Bruce Hoffman, a terrorism expert at the Rand Corp. "Al-Qaida is now functioning exactly as its founder and leader, Osama bin Laden, envisioned it."
The organization has evolved into what bin Laden set out to create: a fractured, worldwide movement inspired by bin Laden and united by a single vision, as well as a central organization that continues to direct the implementation of terrorist attacks.

Ok, I give up. Is there any good news? Any at all?

Mideast violence may raise odds of US attack: experts
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Bush administration's tacit support for Israeli military strikes on Lebanon may have increased the danger of militant retaliation against the United States and U.S. interests abroad, some experts say.

Israel's attempt to cripple Hizbollah in Lebanon may have strengthened the Shi'ite organization by winning it fresh political support among moderate Arabs and Muslims, former officials and other experts said. The Bush administration's stance that calling an immediate ceasefire would not be productive has also angered many Arabs at a time when bombings in Lebanon are causing large numbers of Muslim civilian casualties, they added.

One European counterterrorism official said it was widely recognized there that Middle East hostilities could become a motivating factor for Sunni groups inspired by Osama bin Laden who ordinarily dislike Hizbollah but might try to exploit the outrage in Arab communities. "Even al Qaeda itself may be ready with an attack, and they may choose to use it now."

No, no there isn't. Thanks for playing. And yeah, run on your security record. Makes a lot sense Mr. Last Throes. Good luck with that, ya jackass.

At least while the world burns and the four horsemen of the apocalypse draw nearer, Bush is keeping his eye on the ball, working hard and doing what needs to be done to come up with a solution to the world's problems. Apparently, he's enlisted the Soul Patrol to help with the job.

(Image courtesy of Shakes)

We're all so dead, aren't we? We truly are The Damned. Thanks Dubya.

MORE
Wolcott: The Damned
Buckley: 'There will be no legacy for Bush.'
TBogg: Leaving the world worse than how he found it
WTF Now: Anger grows over Bush's lack of foreign policy, brains
FP: 84% of foreign policy experts say we're losing the War On Terror

2006-07-19T19:49:00.000-04:00

SERIOUSLY...
... what an asshole.

Bush casts his first veto on stem-cell bill
He announced his veto at an event where he was surrounded by "snowflake" babies and toddlers born from leftover frozen embryos adopted from parents who had undergone in-vitro fertilization.

"These boys and girls are not spare parts," Bush said.

He's right ya know. Clearly, to him, they're just props.

'Which one sir? Which one do you want?'

"I 'll git this one! Shiiiit."

'Very good sir. Very, very good.'

Absolutely deplorable. After nearly six years in office, Bush finally issues a veto, one which will do little more than stoke his rapidly shrinking base of irrational, science-and-logic-bashing ignoramuses. He put politics ahead of science, progress and logic. What a douche.

From the LA Times: A First Veto For This?

By rejecting a bill that would have lifted some federal restrictions on funding for stem cell research, Bush landed quite a blow against scientific progress and human health. At his first veto ceremony, Bush piously surrounded himself with children who were adopted while still embryos in fertility clinics. The kids were telegenic symbols of the potential embedded in each human embryo, but entirely disingenuous ones; the bill Bush rejected wouldn't have prevented a single one of them from being born.

Fertility clinics destroy thousands of embryos every year, byproducts of the in-vitro fertilization process. The bill would have allowed federal funding only for stem cell lines made from embryos that were destined for destruction, not adoption. No lives will be saved by the president's veto, but it's quite possible that many will be lost, victims of complications of diseases that embryonic stem cells could one day cure.

Heckuva job Dubya, heckuva job. Isn't it about time for you to go on vacation?

MORE
Alliance for SCR: Key Facts
MS Society: Override the Veto
Rep. Langevin: Outraged (video)
MediaNeedle: Summer Snowflakes
Skenazy: Bush Stems the Tide of Progress

2006-07-17T01:26:00.000-04:00

SOULMATES NO LONGER
Remember when George W. Bush looked in to Vladimir Putin's soul and thought he'd made a connection? Uh, not so much.

'What happened to us Pooty-Poot?'

Bush: "I talked about my desire to promote institutional change in parts of the world, like Iraq, where there's a free press and free religion. And I told him that a lot of people in our country would hope that Russia would do the same thing."

Putin: "We certainly would not want to have the same kind of democracy as they have in Iraq, I will tell you quite honestly."

The Russian side broke into laughter, but Bush's face went red.

No shit.

At least Putin didn't try to belly-kiss him. Now that would've been embarrassing.

2006-07-16T00:16:00.000-04:00

HOW I'VE SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION
As many of you may have noticed, I've been a bit AWOL from the politics of late. Frankly, after almost three straight years of pointing out how big a collection of incompetent pricks Bush and his cronies have been, I needed the break. The Chronicle's Mark Morford summed up my condition best I think in a column earlier this month titled 'George W. Bush Is Dead to Me':

"It is like some sort of virus. It is like some sort of weird and painful rash on your face that makes you embarrassed to walk out the door and so you sit there day after day, waiting for it to go away, slathering on ointment and Bactine and scotch. And yet still it lingers. Some days the pain is so searing and hot you want to cut off your own head with a nail file.

George W. Bush is just like that.

Everyone I know has had enough. Everyone I know is just about done.There is this threshold of happy deadened disgust, this point where the body simply resigns itself to the pain, a point where the disease, the poison has seeped so deeply into the bones that you just have to laugh and shrug it all off and go for a drink. Or 10."

That's pretty much how I started to feel as June rolled around. Thankfully, the World Cup was there just in the nick of time to provide a distraction, as well as a proper forum for downing those 10 drinks.

As I detox and plug back into the world, I see that things have gotten much, much better. The Middle East seems calmer than ever. Iraq is on the upswing. Gas prices have dropped significantly. Ann Coulter seems rational, as does North Korea. And Bush seems to be a changed man. Really, things seem great. I'm so glad to be back.

... and then I woke up and felt just like this kid.

Honestly, I'm not sure where to begin, things are pretty f'ed up right now. Through it all remains one constant though: George W. Bush is a complete boob. As the flames of war lick up toward the apocalypse, what's on his beautiful little mind? The succulent pig he's having for dinner of course.

Then again, maybe he's just not that concerned about all this. Could it be that he's just a tad excited even? It seems possible, given his evangelical leanings. Think I'm nuts? The debate over at the 'Rapture Ready' message board is whether or not it's ok to be excited by all that's happening in the Middle East right now. You know, death, destruction, mayhem, World War III. The prevailing opinion? Yes, it is ok to be excited. Why? Because God's in charge, that's why.

Here's an actual quote from a user on the board (since removed after blogwide scorn):

"I too am soooo excited!! I get goose bumps, literally, when I watch what's going on in the M.E.!! You were so right when saying it was quite a day yesterday, in the world news, and I add in local news here in the Boston area!! Tunnel ceiling collapsed on a car and killed a woman of faith, and we had the most terrifying storms I have ever seen here!! But, yes, Ohappyday, like in your screen name , it is most indeed a time to be happy and excited, right there with ya!!"

Man, where is the Flying Spaghetti Monster when you need him? He could probably slap some sense into these folks, no?

And who knew Betty & Veronica were so Rapture Ready?

I'm so glad I decided to plug back in just in time to witness all this rational thought. Jeebus. There's much more to cover of course, but that seems to be enough for now. All this talk of the rapture has me hungry for...

... a dirty movie? Hmmm, that seems odd.
(oh come on! that panel is begging for it!)

All kidding aside, no matter what you're opinion of the current conflict, pray (if you must) that cooler heads prevail. And whatever you do, don't get excited. Please. I'm looking at you Mr. President, you goofy, fundamentalist bastard.

Only the Rapture will save his ass.

2006-07-12T00:27:00.000-04:00

THE FINALE: WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT?
After a full month of football, 32 teams from six continents playing in over 64 matches, the World Cup pretty much came down to this:

Italian Head. Italian Butts.

And a French Butt Head.

Finé.

There's not much more I can say that hasn't already been said about Zidane's actions. Simply put, it was inexcusable. I don't care what Materazzi said to him, even if he did call him the "son of whore terrorist," you can't lose your head in a moment of that magnitude. Do you know how many times bloggers such as myself have been called a terrorist by whack jobs on the far right? And you don't see me walking around burying my head into people's chests. Of course, if I saw O'Reilly on the street, I might not be able to contain myself...

It could've been worse I suppose. At least this didn't happen...

I realize I didn't keep up my Cup blogging through the quarter and semifinals, but that didn't mean the NYC Cup Crawl didn't continue. I shed tears (and many Newcastle's) with the English at Dekk in Tribeca. I walked out of the darkness of S.O.B.'s in stunned bewilderment with the Brazilians. And I returned to the infamous intersection of Grand & West Broadway to watch the French knock off Portugal at Novecento. But it was the final this past Sunday that I will remember most.

My Cup Crawlin crew for the final match consisted of my sister on a visit from Seattle, my best lady, and my partner in crime for the past month, Richard, who appropriately enough is of Sicilian descent. He's the one who valiantly made the BYOB run at Felix two weeks ago, who managed to snag himself a date in Koreatown three weeks ago, and who discovered the magic of the Soca Warriors with me on Flatbush the opening weekend, so he had to be there.

About an hour before the final was set to kick-off, we took a quick stroll down Mulberry St. in the heart of what's left of Little Italy. The tension in the air was as thick as the cannoli cream at Ferrara. The bars and cafes on Mulberry were already packed, but we had a spot waiting for us at Basso Est, an Italian joint on Orchard St. More than a century ago, this street would've been dominated by Italian immigrants selling fruits and vegetables from their pushcarts. But on this day, Orchard Street was dominated by World Cup fans.

Then. Now.

We took our seats, had a big brunch complete with bottomless mimosas, and we were off. Every pass, every push, every shot, every miss was accompanied by cheers or groans or gasps from up and down the street. And this scene was repeated across every nook and cranny across the city, you could just feel it. The French were first to score. Clenched fists and whole lot of agita filled the air inside Basso for the next 20 minutes, but then Materrazi knocked in the equalizer and everying was all even up. At halftime, everyone poured into the streets to pace and nervously smoke cigarettes. I switched from mimosas to Peroni.

The second half seemed a blur. Before anyone knew it, we were in extra time. The tension was unreal and then, suddenly, Zidane did the unthinkable. Everyone was stunned. We weren't sure what had just happened, but when that red card came out, we knew what it meant. And my sister, god bless her, brought a little American sporting flair to the international affair by starting the sing-song taunt of 'sha na na na, sha na na na! hey, hey, hey, goodbye!' Soon, all of Orchard Street seemed to be joining in.

The Italian fans could taste it at this point. They were poised on the LES. They were ready on Mulberry St. They were primed in Bensonhurst. And they were pumped on Arthur Ave in the Bronx. Moments later, after several minutes of agonizing penalty kicks, the streets exploded. Italia was Campioni del Mundo!

After a thorough dousing of champagne (oh the irony) at Basso, we quickly made our way to back to Mulberry St. to join in the festivities. Here's what we found. (click to enlarge)

Thus ends the DAYS NYC Cup Crawling blogventure of 2006. Congrats to the Italians. See you all again in 2010. Oh, and once more, for good measure....

(oh come on, you knew she'd get the last word, didn't you?)

MORE
BBC: WC '06 Compilation (video)
ABC: 'One' Compilation (video)
NYT: NYC Watches the Cup
Zidane's Shame: Full Video
Wallak: You Can Be Zidane!
YouTube: Zidane and Super Mario

** regular DAYS blogging (politics, etc.) will resume next week.

2006-06-26T21:33:00.000-04:00

WAR ON WEST BROADWAY
Sometime just ahead of the 80th minute, a rumor quickly began to swirl around Felix on West Broadway and Grand St. in New York's Soho district. The urban legend that spread had it that during the 1990 World Cup, a near riot had started on this very corner as fans of Mexico and Argentina gathered en masse to cheer on their respective squads. Normally the thought of rioting soccer hooligans in trendy Soho would be laughed off as absurd, but as the tension of the current match, knotted at 1-1, grew thick and the crowds at competing bars across the streets swelled into the street, the idea suddenly seemed completely rational. In fact, a repeat of such shenanigans, a soccer riot in Soho, seemed highly probable.

Weekend #3 of my Cup Crawl through the five boroughs was a limited one, only one match on tap for me, but it was no less crazy than the previous weekends. The Knockout Phase of the tournament started this past weekend, meaning math would no longer a requirement for watching this damn sport. The formula now is simple: Win or Go Home. And so it was as we approached that Soho corner on Saturday, Germany already prevailing over the Swedes that morning and awaiting the winner of this contest. The Argentines had set up at one of their well-known haunts, Novecento, bursting out the door and onto the sidewalk. In response, the Mexican fans had decided to take over Felix, a French bistro, on the other side of West Broadway. Their collective cheers and chants could be heard for at least two blocks in every direction.

In Germany. In Soho.

Of course, we arrived far too late to secure a seat inside at either of these establishments. One couple said they'd been there since 1 pm for the 3 o'clock kickoff and we're still relegated to watching from the sidewalk. No worries, we were still able to squeeze into the throng to get a good view of the massive screen inside Felix, which we chose because the crowd seemed more lively. So, we had carved out a nice spot to watch the match but our throats, sadly, were very dry, parched even, and they just weren't offering sidewalk service. So we did what we could only be expected to do, one of us bolted for the nearest bodega and picked up a couple of sixers. Improvisation is the spice of life, and the lifeblood of Cup Crawlin' through New York.

As the minutes ticked down, the aforementioned tension hung thick in the air. The crowds on the sidewalks finally turned there attention away from one another and became fixated on the screens. The action on the pitch was fantastic, with Mexico seemingly out-hustling Argentina most of the way. That hustle however proved to be the downfall for Mexico when the match went into overtime -- their legs finally gave out about eight minutes into the extra period when Argentina's Maxi Rodriguez dropped the deciding goal into the net...

Winner!

... which resulted in this wild scene outside Novecento. Argentina had won, 2-1.

Pampas party in Soho.

The crowd at Felix slumped, watching in disbelief as the Argentines danced in the streets. But there was no rioting. And as palpable as the depression was there on that Soho corner, it was probably nothing compared to how Mexico City felt at that moment.

Oy vey, oy vey, oy vey, oy vey...

And so, another Cup Crawlin' weekend in New York is in the books. The next day, I took it easy and watched England and Portugal advance from the confines of a quiet cottage in Connecticut -- my mind, and my gut, needed the break. Portugal survived a card-marred match with the Dutch, while England won ugly again, this time over Ecuador, with a bender from Beckham. The two squads meet Saturday. Speaking of ugly, the English hooligans have finally made their presence felt in Germany, brawling with the locals and lobbing bottles from the balconies.

Is there any beer left?

Lovely, but it just wouldn't be a World Cup without them, would it?

Oh, and I would be remiss not to mention the disappointment felt last week when the US team completely tanked against Ghana. A friend of mine really sums it up best in his Open Letter to US Manager Bruce Arena. Seriously, disgraceful.

Dammit.

That said, I can't think of a better team to lose to than Ghana. First ever Cup, smallest entrant in the field, and native country to the table-dancing guy from last weekend. You can't beat that. Speaking of, the Ghana Guy wrote me last week to say thanks for including him in my blog, and then I found a photo of him here:

Go Ghana Guy Go!

So consider me firmly affixed aboard the Ghana bandwagon. Oh, and Brazil? You're next you overrated collection of show-offs. Ghana gonna get ya!

MORE
Wojo: Best and Worst of WC'06 (so far)
FOX: World Cup Gets Global Audience in
FOX: Babes of the World Cup (leave it to the 'conservative' network)
Brazilname: What's your Brazilian futbol name? (aren't they all Ronaldo??)

* Soho pics courtesy bertabetti on flickr

2006-06-19T21:53:00.000-04:00

BOHEMIAN GARDENS, BRAZILIAN O'BRIEN'S & WON JO
World Cup weekend #2 produced a little something for everyone, a veritable feast for the eyes, the ears and what I'm feeling most today, the belly. It was a blazing hot weekend here in Gotham, with temperatures soaring into the 90s. Thankfully, Saturday's action began in a Bohemian Garden, a perfect setting for sun-soaked beer and brat consumption. You know this guy was into it...

Czech yo-self before you wreck yo-self.

... and so were we. Let's go.

Going Ga-Ga for Ghana
As I rode the train out towards Queens, I noticed the man in the Ghana jersey. It wasn't difficult to see him there, wedged in between the throng of burly, ruddy-faced Czechs, sporting his brightly-colored shirt and a nervous but confident grin. The Czechs payed him no mind. Coming off a 3-0 drubbing of the Americans last Monday, they we're anticipating another easy match on this Saturday afternoon. But a little over two hours later, it was the man in the Ghana jersey who was joyfully dancing on top of the picnic tables at the Czech Beer Garden in Astoria. Ghana had just pulled off the shocker of the Cup so far, slapping the Czechs 2-0, and this man was the Queens extension of the celebratory eruption that had just been ignited in his home country.

Seeing how the man in the jersey was the only bonafied Ghana supporter in the massive Garden packed full of Czechs, every single one of them fueled by a morning full of Pilsner, it was a brave move to get up on the tables. Throughout the match, the Czechs stomped their feet, pounded their steins and chanted full throat for their boys in red; I even think I heard them chanting 'whoop there it is!' at one point, but maybe not. They were an excited lot right up until the very end of the match, but even in defeat they didn't seem too bothered. I think they were just happy to see someone, anyone, dancing on the tables, so they cheered the Ghanian man on heartily and raised their pitchers to his country's triumph. And, thanks to that wacky World Cup math, the Czechs also became instant boosters of the American side in the next match, US vs. Italy.

Now That's More Like It

By 3 pm the gates to the Garden had been locked. The line outside reached to the N train, but the place swelled to capacity. The earlier result had upped the stakes of the US/Italy match. Suddenly, the Americans weren't so dead anymore, but they still had to play the match. For this one, I got right down in front of the biggest of the big screens, squeezing in front of the 1,000 or so bodies that had assembled there. As the match kicked off, the biggest fear of giving up a quick goal dissipated, the US side seemed to be playing with fire, with life, with energy. We were into it, cheering, gasping and groaning with every movement. Halfway through the 1st half, Italy scored. There was a sudden deflation, but that didn't last long. The US was on the board mere minutes later, thanks to an own goal from an Italian defender. Who cares, a goal is a goal, and we were all tied up. Then we started seeing red. Cards that is.

World Cup XL

A few months ago in this space, I agonized over my Seahawks getting completely jobbed in Super Bowl XL. As I watched this match on Saturday, my gut became similarly twisted. The goddam Uruguayian ref was looking to screw America, issuing an unprecedented 3 red cards, two to the US. But the thing about being America is, you just kind of have to take it. I mean, really, who's going to sympathize with us? The soccer pitch is the great equalizer in the minds of many who hate America, that's where they can get their digs in. And so, despite the odds stacked against them, despite being down a man for most of the second half, despite bloodied faces and elbow-throwing Italians, Team USA fought through to gain a point and live to see another day. There was joy inside the Garden, but mostly just a giant sigh of relief.

Oh, and mark this down, because you will probably never see me get all jingoistic and flag-waving on this blog again. Hell, I even did the U-S-A chant a little on Saturday. Yeesh, this World Cup shit is dangerous.

Little O'Brazilihy

Ok, so on W. 46th in midtown Manhattan there's a place known as Little Brazil street. For Sunday's noon match, Australia vs. Brazil, I figured this was as good a place as any in New York to samba my way into the culture a bit. What I never realized, but found out on Sunday, is that there are apparently a lot of Irish pubs in Brazil. Funny that. Seriously, not one Brazilian place on the whole block. It figures, even without a qualifying team, the Irish manage to work there way into this Cup. Despite the misleading moniker, Brazilian fans still came pouring out of every pub, including O'Brien's where we settled in to watch this one. Part of me was pulling for the Soccerroos from Australia, mostly because I think it's hilarious that they call themselves the Roos, but the dominant throng of Brazilian boosters around me dictated otherwise. And when the four-year-old kid in front me was hoisted to the bar by his father to blow on a giant yellow and green horn, I knew the Aussies were done for.

One other bit of incongruity: Brazil's clinching goal? Scored by a guy named Fred. Seriously, Fred? His last name was probably Fitzpatrick for cripes sake. Oh, and Brazil, I don't care if you keep playing sluggishly, just keep your fans coming to the games, ok?

Good god, that's just not fair. Ok Brazil, we get it, your women are really hot.

Won't You Take Me To Koreatown

Fourteen blocks south of Little Brazil is a place called Koreatown. Unlike Little Brazil however, this part of the city actually has Korean restaurants, and Korean stores, and *gasp!*, Koreans. And oh were they ever out, en masse. In fact, the city decided to close the block down entirely, allowing a Korean throng to camp out in the middle of the street to watch the France v. Korea game on a giant screen plastered to the side of a building. This scenario was fantastic save for one thing: No one was serving beer out here. My friend and I had to find liquid salvation elsewhere.

After poking into several places, we finally found the right stairwell to climb, a dark, unassuming ascent into the darkness of Won Jo, a 24-hour Korean BBQ and karaoke joint. Once we reached the top, we were greeted by the anxious faces of what seemed like a million Koreans. The place was packed. It didn't matter, we were determined. We managed to find a spot to stand, we managed to find ourselves a beer, and we quickly became the favorite token white guys in the entire place. When we arrived, the Koreans were down a goal and time was running short. The crowd was nervous but still electric. We chanted along with them, having no idea what we were saying. And then, in the 81st minute, anxiety turned to elation as Park Ji-Sung managed to poke a goal in and even things up. The place went absolutely bonkers. It literally bounced. I was scared for a minute, but instead of crashing through the floor and becoming part of a tragic NY Post headline (Bulgogi Tragedy in Koreatown), we spilled out onto 32nd Street with the rest of them and screamed our stupid, non-Korean heads off. Be the Reds!

And to think, we had thought it would be more fun to watch this match at a French restaurant. Non!

This coming week, I'll be sneaking out to catch the US vs. Ghana and Italy vs. the Czech matches. If the US and Italy both manage to win, it's on to the Round of 16 for the Americans. And on Saturday next week, I'll be immersing myself once again in the cultural bounty that is New York City during the World Cup (i.e. drinking beer with foreigners).

Until then, keep dancing like a Ghanians everyone.

MORE
NYT: Blogging the Cup
Deadspin: Live from Kaiserslautern
Simpsons: Mexico vs. Portugal (via DS)
NYT: The Paradigm Has Shifted (oh, and suck it Kissinger)

2006-06-13T22:04:00.000-04:00

WELL THAT SUCKED
Thank god we Americans don't give a rat's ass about soccer, because that game yesterday was just downright embarassing. Oy.

Uh, when's NFL training camp open?

I would write about the crowd at the pub I escaped to on my lunch break to watch this game, but it would be like blogging a funeral, and what fun is that?

Looking for some solace? At least we didn't blame it on the field. Seriously, can the French be any more irritating? Any regular reader of this blog knows I'm not one to side with the boorish, freedom fry munching, anti-French crowd, but they really are a pain in the ass. Get over it and tie with dignity, would ya?

Oh, and this was a nice surprise: Owen Wilson apparently plays for the Czech Republic. Check him out, at right, in the man embrace with Flock of Seagulls guy. Who knew?

And Vince Vaughn plays for Togo.

Lastly, the NYT Blog has perhaps the best US-centric coverage of the tourney. They liveblog every game, which is great when you're stuck at work. They also led me to this site, which offers a bevy of mp3 downloads of Soca Warrior anthems for all your Trinidadian rooting pleasure. It was this song, 'Fighter', that provided the thump to my weekend last Saturday. Tasty.

MORE
Deadspin: We Waited 4 Years for This?
WDM: Who Should I Cheer For?
Sportlitics: The Aftermath
Bush: World Cup? What's that?

'Stupid kid, why doesn't he just use his hands?'

p.s. I was going to return to political blogging today, but the Rove news depressed me too much. I may just keep this soccer thing up for a few more weeks.

2006-06-11T22:23:00.000-04:00

I AM SOCA WARRIOR
The highlight, without a doubt, of my World Cup opening weekend, was the two hours spent at Sugarcane on Flatbush Ave. in Brooklyn on Saturday afternoon. Around 2 pm EST on Saturday, the scene spilling out onto Flatbush was unreal. The voices in and around the bar soared, the music thumped and a flashflood of joy spilled out onto the avenue, nearly stopping traffic. The Soca Warriors of Trindad & Tobago had conquered the Swedes.

Brooklyn's got your back.

The cause for all the celbration? A 0-0 tie. Such is the way in soccer. A scoreless tie can bring forth the grandest of emotions. For a team with odds of 750-1, making their first appearance ever in the World Cup, a sister-kisser with the Swedes is the equivalent of a championship. And this particular bombshell was formidably felt on Flatbush.

Before the match had begun, it was difficult to determine who to root for based solely on the limited research I had done:

Tough choice.

According to that, things seemed pretty even. But by the start of the 2nd half, the six foot blonde (and clear Swede) at the far end of the Sugarcane bar was singing right along with the Soca Warrior fans of T&T. It was clear what side to cheer for. This was the exact cultural passion punch I spoke of a couple of days ago, the one I had hoped to find. And oh did I find it, right there on Flatbush. At one point, someone behind the bar accidently kicked a cord and the audio went out, but the throng quickly filled the void, packing the air with the joyful song of the island nation's pride and joy. Clearly, we had a better time than those silly Swedes at Good World Bar, who inspired my favorite caption of the Cup thus far, "Swedish hipsters in dissary", courtesy of the NYT.

Needless to say, the T&T Soca Warriors are here, and they aren't just saying thank you and going home. Their former colonial lords, England, are next up, this coming Thursday. It should be interesting.

Speaking of England, WTF?

'That's using Paraguay's head!'

I didn't get out of bed soon enough to get out for the England/Paraguay match Saturday morning , but I apparently didn't miss much. My English friends even said it was a "shit match", which is why I believe Thursday's pairing against the Warriors may be interesting. I may have to sneak out of work and make my way back to Sugarcane for that one. Tomorrow, I'll try and creep out to catch some of the US/Czech match. And next weekend, I'll be at the Bohemien Beer Garden in Queens for a Group E doubleheader of Czech/Ghana and USA/Italy.

And for those of you who are looking for the good old DAYS, don't worry, I'll be sure to take some time to insult George W. Bush this week as well. But sometimes, diplomacy is best served on the pitch.

Minority (underdog) Rules.

MORE
Official: Soca Warriors
Bondy: Hooligans No More
Back Row: Why Am I Proud? and Group C Steals the Show
NYT: World Cup Tests Iranians' Ability to Have Fun in Public

2006-06-09T07:09:00.000-04:00

MY CUP WILL RUNNETH WAYYYYYY OVER
I'm not a soccer fan. I don't really know the rules all that well. I have no idea who's in the Top 10 world rankings. I can't tell you who won the Premiership or any other leagues or tournaments this past year. And I would probably have trouble coming up with even five players, and that includes Pele. But I love the World Cup.
Does the Cup logo make anyone else want to pop ecstasy pills and listen to Chemical Bros. for hours on end?

I fell in love with this quadrenial event at the same time I fell in love with New York City. Back in '98, on my first visit ever to Gotham, I was struck by the level of interest in the Cup. I'd been aware of the Cup before coming here of course, but never had I seen such open ferver. A crowded bar full of Germans here, a pub packed with rowdy Brits there, a clutch of Bolivians huddled around the display TV in the window of an electronics store on Canal St. If you have to choose a city in the States to watch this action, there can be no better place than New York City. Every nation is represented in these five boroughs, which in my opinion is one of the best things about living here. And so, when the World Cup comes around every four years, it's like soaking in a multi-culti cornucopia of nationalistic passion nearing the point of insanity. It's wonderful.

With action kicking off today, I already experienced a little of this as I was surprised by a hearty yelp from a huddle of excited men at the shoeshine stand on my to the subway this afternoon. Apparently, Ecuador had just scored its second goal against Poland. And so, in the coming weeks, I will be marinating in this sea of pride and passion and occasionally reporting back here on my experiences. Tomorrow, I have an English pub (England v. Paraguay), a Caribbean lounge (Trinidad & Tobago v. Sweden), and an Argentinian steakhouse (Argentina v. Ivory Coast) on my Cup Crawl route. Check back Sunday for a full report.

As for my pick to win the whole thing? Well, I'm kind of hoping Brazil will repeat, for one reason and one reason only:

Nice Cups.

Now let's play some futbol!

MORE
Yahoo: Full Coverage
NYT: Interactive Guide
Excely: Track the Action
Amy's Robot: Hey, We Care!
Deadspin: Coverage and Liveblogging
Tony Karon: World War on the Soccer Field

2006-06-08T23:50:00.000-04:00

WHEN IN DOUBT, SMOKE 'EM OUT
First off, let me just state that I am in complete agreement that the death today of the world's most infamous endorser of New Balance footwear, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, is unquestionably good news, no doubt about it. The man was a monster.

'Hey, anyone seen the other sneaker?'

After watching Dubya make his little speech this morning, I was actually close to giving the moron a little credit. I mean, come on, didn't we all think he'd come out in a flight suit? But for once, he didn't swagger out and boast that the mission was accomplished. Maybe it took him six years, but I thought for a second that maybe he'd actually learned that all that macho, bring it on bullshit didn't do anyone any good. Then I snapped out of it and realized he's probably just saving up all that swagger for the impending war with Iran.

'Wait'll ya see the size of my cod piece next time kid.'

But maybe there's another reason Bush didn't seem overly-excited. I wouldn't doubt if some in the Bush administration were actually kind of bummed by this news. Did anyone catch Rumsfeld's comments? He seemed downright depressed by the whole thing. Know why? Because he and his nutjob Neocon pals finally lost a key bogeyman. Remember, it was al-Zarqawi whom they always cited (falsely) as the connection between 9/11 and Iraq when they were trying to sell their precious little war. And that, of course, would explain why they didn't just kill the fat, goofy bastard four years ago when they had the chance.

NBC News has learned that long before the war the Bush administration had several chances to wipe out his terrorist operation and perhaps kill Zarqawi himself — but never pulled the trigger.

In June 2002, U.S. officials say intelligence had revealed that Zarqawi and members of al-Qaida had set up a weapons lab at Kirma, in northern Iraq, producing deadly ricin and cyanide. The Pentagon quickly drafted plans to attack the camp with cruise missiles and airstrikes and sent it to the White House, where, according to U.S. government sources, the plan was debated to death in the National Security Council.

“Here we had targets, we had opportunities, we had a country willing to support casualties, or risk casualties after 9/11 and we still didn’t do it,” said Michael O’Hanlon, military analyst with the Brookings Institution.

Four months later, intelligence showed Zarqawi was planning to use ricin in terrorist attacks in
Europe. The Pentagon drew up a second strike plan, and the White House again killed it.

Now why in the world would the White House do such a thing?

By then the administration had set its course for war with Iraq.

“People were more obsessed with developing the coalition to overthrow Saddam than to execute the president’s policy of preemption against terrorists,” according to terrorism expert and former National Security Council member Roger Cressey.

Ohhhhh that's right, they needed him. Just think, if they had made the decision to smoke him then, perhaps the current nightmare of a sectarian civil war now raging across the country wouldn't be quite so bad. After all, he's credited with playing a large part in inciting that violence. But hey, Cheney and his puppetmasters needed him alive, goddam the deadly consequences.

And now, when they desperately needed a success in Iraq, they finally decided to pull the trigger. Of course, most experts are saying that his kiling now is too late and will most likely do little to stem the tide of violence which he helped to spark. Heckuva job guys.

So give the military it's due, they did their job and did it admirably. And be glad that al-Zarqawi is finally gone, just don't give the Bush administration any of the credit.

MORE
Conason: Death of a Useful Demon
Empire Burlesque: A Timely Death
Billmon: The Abu Zarqawi Hour Canceled
Michael Berg: 'It's Bush's fault, not Zarqawi's'

2006-06-06T01:38:00.000-04:00

OVER THE RAINBOW YET AGAIN
As suspected, after nearly a month away, it appears the world is indeed continuing to crumble, spiral out of control and fall into complete disarray. Lucky for us though, we have George W. Bush to fight the deadly scourge that threatens to consume and destroy us all: Boys Kissing.

Seriously, what the hell? I can't believe they're still playing the homo card. I guess that's all they've got. How much longer do we have to suffer these imbeciles? I haven't been following the ins and outs, but it sure doesn't seem like they've done much to right the sinking ship. But I swear, if anyone's 2006 vote is based solely on gay marriage, flag burning or any other such made-up issues, they ought to be immediately deported. We'll just give their jobs to an illegal, gay alien.

I must admit, it was kind of nice to step away from this nonsense for a few weeks. What's frightening though is that when you disengage for a while, things don't seem nearly as bad as they actually are. Honestly, the only story that really seemed to creep into mainstream consciesnesce was the Haditha massacre. Other than that, it was nothing but Taylor fucking Hicks and Brangelina. I really hope the malaise these scoundrels count on to sneak their shit past the general populace doesn't win the day again. Stupidity and disinterest is the lifeblood of these creatures... please, please, please don't let them get away with it again.

Of course, even if everyone does wake up, they'll just steal the damn thing. Again.

Fabulous sir, absolutely fabulous. By the way, how was Splash Day?

MORE
Shakes: It's About Love
DAYS Redux: W's Coming Out
PoliticsTV: Watch Bush's Bigot Act
Burnett: Campaign 2006 -- I'm With Stupid
N'week: '"I think it was purely political. I don't think he gives a shit about it." -- friend of W's

2006-06-06T01:05:00.000-04:00

AND ANOTHER THING
'Don't worry, I will protect you all with my jazz hands.'

I didn't get to weigh in on this while I was away, but as a resident of New York City, as someone who works across the street from Ground Zero, I have a question for Secretary Skeletor.

If this
this this this and this aren't landmarks, then why do I have to navigate my way around all these goddamed tourists every day? Isn't there a rockpile in Wyoming they should be taking pictures of or something?

Thanks a lot Secretary Jerkoff.

'Surely, you must be joking?'

I really, really hate these bastards.

2006-05-24T00:22:00.000-04:00

STILL FISHIN'
Well, ok, not fishing... don't I wish? Actually, I don't wish, because I don't really fish, but I do wish my temporary leave of absence were attributable to something that leisurely. In actuality, work has consumed the better part of my days this past week, thereby sabotaging DAYS itself. Yes, belying the stereotype, this blogger actually does have a day job -- they don't even let me where my pajamas here. It's horrible. Even more agonizing? The realization that while I spend my time futzing with spreadsheets and powerpoints, the world continues to spiral out of control. That said, I'm pretty sure it'll still be crumbling when I finally resurface in another week or so. Look for the Daily 5 and all my other ranting to return as June commences. Until then, have a little fun with real audio from Dear Leader and the boys, courtesy of SNL...

2006-05-14T22:15:00.000-04:00

RIBBIT AND GOODBYE
Just my luck, after months and months of waiting, the indictment we've all been waiting for appears to be in the offing and I won't be able to revel in the blogsplosion of joy that's sure to result. Yep, it appears this may be the week that little shit bloom Karl Rove is finally frog marched out the White House. Sadly, I won't be around to write about it. Yep, life is taking over this week, so posting will be light if it happens at all. Not that I'm complaining, the faster that doughy puke is knocked out the picture the better. Good riddance shitbag.

Say hello to your new roommate Karl.
(image from bloggerheads.com)

I'll be back in a little over a week, soon enough to cover the Bushtanic snowball as it thunders toward it's next inevitable target, Big Dick. We all know Cheney's handwriting has been all over this thing from the beginning -- or should I say, in the margins. Can't wait to see them all go down in one massive fireball of comeuppance and schadenfreude. I just hope we don't all get enveloped by the flames...

Just remember, things could've all turned out very differently, as a certain former VP gently reminded us just last night.

If only...

There will be plenty of coverage of this week's implosion from sources much more knowledgeable and talented than I, so get the following into your favorites, onto your rolls and into your daily routine if they're not already there:

Crooks & Liars
FireDogLake
Shakespeare's Sister
D-Renegade
Whiskey Bar
Think Progress

And check the 'Roll' to the right for more talented voices. These are but a few of the folks at the heart of a powerful movement that the politicians and establishment media are still struggling to understand. The revolution is now, best start paying attention. See you all in a week.

2006-05-12T12:17:00.000-04:00

AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING
Another post in DAYS' continuing effort to inform the Preznit about his most recent polling numbers in a simple, direct and easy way so that he can wrap his tiny mind around the depths of his unpopularity:

And I got mad hits like Rod Carew.

In July of 1974, Mr. Carew was busy tearing up the majors on his way to another batting title. Also that month, Richard Nixon's approval rating hit 29%. On August 8, 1974, Nixon would resign. I am so excited for this summer.

Oh, and this description, of 'Lot 29', Googled up in my numbers research today:

In stereotypes loved by comedians, `Lot 29' was to auctions what `PC 49' was to policemen. `Lot 29' was likely to be a hideously ugly vase, a chair on the point of falling to pieces, a wireless that only crackled, or some other object that no one in their right mind would want to buy.

Seems like an unbelievably appropriate metaphor for this administration, no? Heckuva job Dubya.

2006-05-11T18:29:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
Can you hear me now Mr. President?
1. ThinkProgress: What a Deal! Now, with every presidential takedown, you get the bonus of ruining the nation's 3 largest Telco companies! Whoo hoo! Oh, and Qwest? This is your lucky day my friend. I know I'm switching. C&L offers Cafferty video. FDL urges us to call our representatives (just not on an AT&T, Verizon or Bellsouth phone, ok?). And here's the original USAT story.
2. D-Ren: Bush shows some of that old compassionate conservatism again.
3. Crap. Does this mean we have to nuke Brazil now?
4. Glenn Greenwald has a message for Richard Cohen: Embrace the Anger.
5. Flotsam: I don't understand why people say figure skating is so gay?

(swiped from WTF is it Now?)

ON THIS DAY: Martha Quinn was born. I said, Martha fu*king Quinn people! Stand up!

2006-05-11T01:29:00.000-04:00

MOTHER, SHOULD I TRUST THE GOVERNMENT?
There is nothing more important, more sacred, than mothers. Aside from that whole birthing thing, which is pretty crucial to all of us being here, mothers can also be a voice of reason, an inspiration, a teacher, a sounding board, a support mechanism, a shoulder to cry on and a comfort zone. Mothers, in a word, rock.

I talk about mothers a lot on this site... unfortunately, it's usually followed shortly by an expletive and directed at members of the current misadministration. That said, even the crooks in the White House have mothers. And so, today, we take a moment to recognize these women and shower them with some well-deserved Mother's Day gifts. Ready?

Laura Bush: A refill on Xanax.
Oh yeah, she's not on anything at all. w'ev.
Come on, if you had to put up with that tool day in and day out, you'd be raiding Patrick Kennedy AND Rush Limbaugh's stash of drugs, wouldn't you? Oh, and we'll throw in a set of new batteries too.

Lynne Cheney: A lesson in timing.
'And now I'll read from my book, Sisters.'
Perhaps Lynne can pass this gift on to her daughter, Mary (did ya hear? she's a lesbian!). Seems like Mary could learn that speaking out against the proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage now is less useful or brave than it would've been if she'd spoke up during the 2004 presidential campaign. You know, when her dad and his party were out there riling up the homobigots in their base to ensure re-election? And maybe pass along a bar of soap to her as well so she can wash her filthy mouth out. Honestly. (ht Shakes)

Karen Hughes: A copy of "The Middle East for Dummies"
'Hey kids, wanna see my Mohammed pop-up book?'
Tapped as good-will ambassador to the Middle East, a part of the world that almost universally hates us now thanks to her boss, Karen has proceeded to do nothing but misunderstand almost everything about the region and insult its inhabitants at every turn. Heckuva job on the hearts and minds there Big Foot.

Barbara Bush: A retroactive abortion.
'Pssst, you were a mistake... in so many ways.'
Better make that two, just in case. And maybe we can get a lobotomy for Babs beautiful mind while we're at it.

Finally, as a reminder to the warmongers currently occupying the nation's capital, Mother's Day was originally founded as a cry for peace and a pean to pacifism. The following comes from Julia Ward Howe's original 1872 Mother's Day Proclamation:

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly: "We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

Read the rest. And someone get these bitches to read it to their men. Quick.

Queen Muthas.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. Thanks for everything.

MORE
Mom's Rising
Wiki: Mother's Day
Nation: The Motherhood Manifesto
CodePink: Celebrate Mom's Day in DC
(ht to Delilah for the idea, and to Floyd for the post head)

[return to DAYS home]

2006-05-10T17:20:00.000-04:00

ET TU, BUSHIE?
Nobody should be surprised that the word 'backstabber' appears on Preznit 31%'s resume; it's listed right alongside 'purveyor of incompetence' and 'easy on corruption'. The Dragonlady of the South, Katherine Harris, is the latest to feel the cold steel of Georges Junius Bushus' dagger.

'You know we have to kill you now, right?'

Rep. Harris, who along with Antonin Scalia, Tom DeLay and FOX News probably had more to do with Bush's selection as president in 2000 than anyone else, has been running a disaster of a Senate campaign in Florida. As her missteps have increased so have the number of former supporters who've jumped ship. Earlier this week, Gov. Jeb Bush publicly urged her to abandon her campaign, and just yesterday, the president himself gave her the proverbial finger.

W turns against his Florida savior
President Bush was in Florida yesterday trying one last time to cut the political legs out from under the woman who helped put him in the White House in 2000.

Rep. Katherine Harris met the President when he landed at MacDill Air Force Base and they chatted briefly while she gripped his hand, but the body language said it all: Bush's face was grim and he didn't bestow the usual kiss. (ed. if he had, would it have been the kiss of Judas?)

Sources in Washington said Bush would make a final attempt to nudge Harris out of her doomed Senate race. "He wants to get her to seriously consider dropping out," said a knowledgeable GOP source, adding that Bush may ask her "if there's anything else she might want" in the way of an appointment.

Hmmm, whatever could Ms. Harris be appointed to? Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea! How about you put her in charge of FEMA Mr. Preznit? After all, she has the necessary experience -- check it out:

Is that, perchance, an Arabian horse Ms. Harris?

And if the FEMA thing doesn't work out, Dusty, Duke and the boys are always looking for a few good ladies of the night. How's your poker game Katherine?

Oh, and since we're thinking about Florida and the 2000 election, can someone give Pat Robertson a call and ask him if the wildfires that set the state ablaze yesterday is God's way of punishing them? Just wondering.

2006-05-09T11:52:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
A daily merry-go-round of crap from around the cyberwebs.
1. Ribbit! David Shuster says he is "convinced Karl Rove will be indicted." Shuster's been on this story from the get, so he probably has a better idea than just about anyone save for Murray Waas and Patrick Fitzgerald, so, uh, yay!. "Oh when the frogs, go marching in..." (video at C&L)
2. ThinkProgress: A Dusty, a Duke and a guy named Nine Fingers. What is wrong with these people? Honestly, hookers, limos, graft and a collection of bumbling bureacrats who sound like they just walked out of a Dick Tracy strip? Is this even real? Can we just impeach everyone in Washington and start over?
3. Molly Ivins weighs in on Hookergate: "I don’t care who anyone in politics is screwing in private, as long as they’re not screwing the public."
4. Worker 3116: "We are going to smoke the terrorists out of their fortresses of solitude."
5. Flotsam: Too bad this poor actor will suffer some horrible death for what looks like such a crap movie. Oh well, check out FreeWilliamsburg's summer movie preview for more crappy films (and a few good ones).

In this picture, the baby represents America.

ON THIS DAY: In 1671 Thomas Blood disguised as a clergyman, attempts to steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London. He is immediately caught because he is too drunk to run with the loot. He is later condemned to death and then mysteriously pardoned and exiled by King Charles II. Doesn't this sound like something that could happen in modern-day DC? I mean, no hookers, but still.

Oh, also on this day, in 1974, impeachment hearings against Richard Nixon began. If only history would repeat itself, and fast.

2006-05-09T00:30:00.000-04:00

CONVERSATIONS WITH iGod: Big Dick Cheney
Oh hell, I missed National Prayer Day last week -- does it count if I prayed for impeachment? Oh well, since I didn't properly celebrate the day, I thought I'd revive an old feature and bring back iGod. Did you know that you no longer have to be the president to chat directly with the Big Guy himself? Now, thanks to iGod, anyone can do it -- and we can listen in. As has been documented here before, our feckless leader regularly communes with the Almighty when faced with big decisions ('cept for choosing rugs, he leaves that to Laura). But who does the real power, Dick Cheney, answer to? Thankfully, we can listen in on one of Big Time's IM sessions with Big Jah. Beware, this is like Satan communing with God, so buckle your seatbelts. (and please remember, these are actual responses from God via iGod, so if they're not funny, take it up with Him)

A whole lot of hot air.

Dick: you there? you better be there goddamit...
God: Who is going to make me..
Dick: I'll make ya, you harp-playing fairy.
God: Explain your plans to me.
Dick: yeah, right. if i told you i'd have to kill you.
God: I am usually right. Try it.
Dick: I'll kill you with my bare hands.
God: Don't you believe that killing is wrong?
Dick: hahahahahahahahahaha
God: I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Dick: Whatever freak. I wanted to talk to you for a minute.
God: Oh, to you I am a hippie.
Dick: yeah, you are a damn hippie, and i'm sick and tired of you filling georgie's head with all that peace and love crap.
God: Excuse me! Am I a damn hippie? I will pray that you get well soon.
Dick: I'm perfectly well, don't worry about me. Pass the salt?
God: Where do you get your ideas?
Dick: my ideas? from the 7th layer of hell of course.
God: Who or what is the 7th layer of hell?
Dick: some say alabama, but it's actually a place just south of houston. i found it years ago when i was drilling for oil. with my bare teeth.
God: Your bare teeth sounds like a plan.
Dick: huh? god i hate you sometimes. can we just talk about george?
God: I am a Christian. Sure I can talk about it. george is quite an interesting topic.
Dick: yeah, interesting. anyway, you're confusing him.
God: I hear you. I am sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you.
Dick: no, no, not me you idiot. you're confusing george.
God: Are you serious?
Dick: yes i am. you see, for years the voice he'd hear was me from underneath the bed. he thought it was you, but it was me.
Dick: Really interesting. I see. I get it. he thought it was me but it was you.
Dick: exactly. but then you started to stick your big godly butt in and actually answer his prayers... what's up with that?
God: You and I are on the same wavelength.
Dick: yeah, i hope we understand each other. so you'll shut the fuck up then?
God: Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will shut up.
Dick: you need to. we got countries to bomb, brown people to torture, oil companies to feed, etc. etc.
God: Thank you for your criticism. Are you free?
Dick: yes, i'm free... free from sanity!
God: Who or what is sanity?
Dick: I have no idea my friend. none at all.
God: Would you like to have an idea? I heard there are some.
Dick: Go fuck yourself.
God: Why are you so mean?
Dick: Because I'm Dick fucking Cheney, that's why. duh.

PAST CONVERSATIONS
First Up: Me
Dubya: The Chosen One
Tierney: God's Weapon Inspector

2006-05-08T16:40:00.000-04:00

YOU SCREAM, I SCREAM...
As with previous efforts, this post suggests a kinder, gentler way to break the latest approval poll numbers to the President. Just show him this:

President Brain Freeze.

Maybe his drooling over the ice cream will distract him from realizing just how unpopular he really is. Of course, he may already be distracted by the many important issues facing the country -- Darfur, Iran, his fucking rug. Jeebus.

2006-05-08T14:36:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
'What's the buzz? Tell me what's-a happening!'
1. Bush told a German newspaper over the weekend that his 'best moment' as president was when he caught himself a 7.5 pound perch. That's right, six years as leader of the free world and the best thing he's done is catch a fish. Boy, if only Osama were a trout. (Daou has the latest, and Shakes has more on W's outlandish interview here and here.)
2. Billmon: Turing the CIA into New Orleans (or "The Successful Reign of Porter Goss"). Also, Bush's appointment of Michael "I'll spy on your grandma" Hayden to replace Goss spells victory for one Donald Rumsfeld, you know the crazy guy everyone wants fired? Superb.
3. Conyers: After being attacked by Tim Russert, Rep. Conyers defends the notion that he may actually introduce executive office oversight if the Dems were to gain control of Congress. (*gasp!* "Oversight?! Deary me, what sort of radical talk is this??") And why is the idea of investigating how we were (mis)led to war so scary to the establishment media anyway? FDL says 'it's the complicity stupid'.
4. TDS (via OGM): Jon Stewart spotlights The Bushie's oily flip-flops. (and check out Bulldog's simple yet effective POS impeachment idea.)
5. I have to say, I love coming up #1 on this Google search.

Best Day Ever: Fishing with Dad in N'awlins.

ON THIS DAY: In 1970 a mob of more than 200 construction workers attacked a noon-time peace rally at the corner of Wall & Broad Streets in New York's financial district, beating the anti-war protestors with hard hats, tools and fists, injuring more than 70 of them. After the Wall St. beatdown, the mob stormed nearby City Hall demanding the American flag, flying at half-mast on the heels of the tragedy at Kent St., be raised up high less they sack the place. And what did these brutes receive in return for their boorish actions? Jail time? Fines? Loss of their jobs? Nope, none of the above. The hard hats received a letter from vice president Spiro Agnew commending them for their "impressive display in patriotism--and a spirit of pride in country that seems to have become unfashionable in recent years." I work at Wall & Broad. I think I'll be wary of the construction workers when I go out for lunch today.

Also, today is VE Day, a perfect time to inform the world that we're in the middle of World War III. Did we forget to mention that before? Oops, sorry.

2006-05-07T18:17:00.000-04:00

SICK AND TIRED
An e-mail was sent out to our office last week informing us that our receptionist, the one who has greeted me every day for the past eight months with a smile, was no longer with the company. The reason? She's been called up and will probably be heading to Iraq soon, leaving a 3-year-old son to wait for her return. I have a friend from childhood who's just completed his flight school training with the Marine Corps. He too will soon be leaving for Iraq. His wife and two kids will wait for him.

I am extremely proud of the men and women who serve in the armed forces. I realize that the sacrifices they make are greater than most of us can even imagine. I'm proud of their families for supporting them, and I'm forever grateful for the job they do. But I am so sick and tired of this war -- this stupid, senseless war -- plucking people out of the population and plopping them into the desert to protect a 'palace' the size of 80 football fields for George W. Bush.

'It's my palace and I'm keeping it. So there.'

I'm sick and tired of hearing about 52-year-old grandmothers being sent to guard Dick Cheney's oilfields.

I'm sick and tired of hearing stories about 23-year-old men, still heartbroken over the battlefield death of his 21-year-old fiancee, meeting the same fate three years later.

I'm sick and tired of outrageous recruiting stories such as this one in which an autisitic teenager in Portland is openly recruited, signed and sent to Iraq.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about small towns across America suffering through multiple funerals for their young men and women slain in Iraq.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about families left behind to mourn and grieve.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about helicopters being shot down (5 dead) or crashing (10 dead).

I'm sick and tired of hearing about roadside bombs killing our soldiers every single day.

I'm sick and tired of reading headlines like this every single day: 42 Killed, Found Dead in Iraq Violence.

I'm sick and tired of hearing about 'turning points'.

I'm sick and tired of seeing this asshole's face every day.

What's that you said, 'bring 'em on'?

And I'm already sick and tired of the next war. I agree whole-heartedly with Juan Cole: We're not going to let you, the radical, misguided, hawkish idealogues of the PNAC Party, have your wider war. No more senseless deaths. No more imperialistic adventures. No more.

2006-05-06T21:27:00.000-04:00

GOSSING OVER THE JUICY STUFF
I don't understand what all the 'mystery' is behind the sudden resignation of CIA Director Porter Goss. Isn't it obvious he resigned so he could spend more time playing poker with his hookers?

'I solemnly swear to play a whole lot of Texas Hold 'Em.'

Honestly, why did every tabloid here in New York splash a photo of goddam Patrick Kennedy on the cover of their papers this morning? It's infuriating. I realize these aren't 'hard news' papers, but it's not like there isn't a scandal at the heart of the Goss story. Shall we do the math on this one?
Gambling + Booze + Hookers + Congressmen + Bribes + Watergate Hotel + Porter Goss = JUICY.

Doesn't it? I mean, I know there's no Kennedy in that equation, but what the hell? Not only that, it's the Director the CIA we're talking about. Seems worthy of page 1, no?

Oh well, regardless of whether or not he's involved in Hookergate, we really should've known Goss wouldn't last long in the job. He did, after all, claim to be 'overwhelmed' by the workload when he first started out. Not a good first impression. But then, only a few months later, he got all of our hopes up when he claimed he knew where Osama was (classic TDS on this here). But now, those hopes are dashed. I just pray he left his notes on OBL's location behind. Hate to lose those.

The official spin on this seems to be that Director of National Intelligence John Negroponte won out in a turf battle with Goss, resulting in the resignation. This means that the guy who spends three hours every day getting massages, swimming laps and chomping big cigars is better suited for the job then the guy who spent his time playing poker and consorting with prosititutes.

Smokin 'em out, one rubdown at a time.

Good to know everyone's working so hard in this War on Terror thing. Makes me feel safe, how about you?

2006-05-05T12:53:00.000-04:00

I'M STARTING A LIST...
... of people with impressively big balls:

Harry Taylor
Stephen Colbert
Juan Cole
Wenyi Wang
Newest addition: Ray McGovern (see video below)

Add your own in the comments. Or don't, whatever.

Have a ballsilicious* weekend! (*ht Jon Stewart)

2006-05-04T14:34:00.000-04:00

STUPID IS AND CRAZY DOES
Paranoia strikes deep in the heartland
But I think it's all overdone
Exaggerating this exaggerating that
They don't have no fun
-- Paul Simon, ‘Have a Good Time’, 1975

I thought I sorta understood the depths of Dick Cheney's twisted, paranoid mind. Then I saw a preview of the man's profile in the forthcoming issue of Vanity Fair:

Purdum reports that Cheney travels with a chemical-biological suit at all times. When he gave his friend Robin West and his twin children a ride to the White House a couple of years ago, West commented on the fact that Cheney's motorcade varied its daily path. "And he said, 'Yeah, we take different routes so that "The Jackal" can't get me,'" West tells Purdum. "And then there was this big duffel bag in the middle of the backseat, and I said, 'What's that? It's not very roomy in here.' And [Cheney] said, 'No, because it's a chemical-biological suit,' and he looked at it and said, 'Robin, there's only one. You lose.'"

Isn't that just typical? While we all scramble for duct tape and plastic sheeting, this asshole carts a biohazard suit around with him. What a dick. And is it any wonder the country has been in a perpetual state of delusional panic for the past six years? The madman at the helm of the ship is convinced that someone, anyone, everyone is out to get him. It's the trickle-down theory of paranoia. Sure, he could be joking about the 'the jackal' coming after him, but let's face it -- he's probably not.

This man has a well-documented history of secrecy and paranoia, from his undisclosed mountain bunkers to stonewalling every investigation -- energy task force meetings, pre-9/11 intelligence -- that comes near him. This is a man who set up a secret White House cabal to run the nation’s foreign policy, orchestrated a series of unprecedented expansions of presidential power to include his own office, and made secret deals to flood the coffers of his buddies at Halliburton. He’s probably the one who ordered the outing of Valerie Plame. He feels no need to inform the public of his actions, even if that includes shooting someone in the face. Former Nixon counsel John Dean has long said the Bush/Cheney regime is more secretive than any previous administration, including Nixon’s. Hell, Cheney even keeps secrets about his secrets.

Just because you're paranoid...

Cheney’s paranoia is as legendary as his secrecy. Revelation of the 24/7 biohazard suit just adds to a long list that includes shoveling massive amounts of the anti-anthrax medication Cipro into his gullet on the heels of 9/11, demanding extra lamps in his hotel room to flush out any lurkers, and launching an over-reaching, illegal domestic spying program. Bush takes most of the heat on this last one, but Cheney’s paranoid fingerprints are all over it. I can hear him now, in that gruff grumble of his, “Spy on everyone, I don’t care if it’s legal or not. Spy on the milkman, the taxi driver, the housewife… any of them could be hiding a dirty bomb. Just do it.”

So what has fueled Big Dick’s increasingly delusional state of mind? According to the Vanity Fair piece, it may be his diet. As Hotline points out:

At age 65, Cheney is easily 30 or more pounds overweight, seems to have slacked off on what was once a more rigorous diet, and appears to suffer from recurrent bouts of gout. At a roundtable lunch with reporters a couple of years ago, two who were present say, he cut his buffalo steak in bite-size pieces the moment it arrived, then proceeded to salt each side of each piece.

He takes a range of medications that he and his doctors decline to detail. The extent of his atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries, which, if it extends beyond the heart to the brain, can cause hard-to-recognize changes in cognition) is unknown. Bypass surgery itself has long been associated with subtle changes in neurological function.

Great, we’re all gonna die because this gluttonous SOB can’t lay off the sodium.

'Pass the salt before I stick this fork in your eye.'

Salt-induced or not, Cheney is wayyyy over the rainbow folks. The scary thing? He's running the country. I realize the idea that Cheney is the real power behind the throne is an overused and oft-repeated caricature, but all evidence points to total confirmation of this notion. John Nance Garner, vice president under Franklin Roosevelt, was once quoted as saying, "the vice presidency isn't worth a pitcher of warm spit." Then Dick Cheney came along.

The Vanity Fair piece provides us with this choice little nugget:

Cheney rejects the caricature of him as the power behind the throne, insisting, "I think we have created a system that works for this president and for me, in terms of my ability to be able to contribute and participate in the process."

That system? Cheney makes all the decisions, Bush distracts us all with his stunning stupidity. We're all so blinded by the imbecile at the podium that we don't notice the crazy madman behind the curtain pulling all the levers.
Don't do it Alice... you won't like what's back there.

Does anyone honestly think that Bush is really ‘The Decider’ in this relationship? Hell, Bush wasn't even the one who decided to pick Cheney as his VP in the first place. Cheney chose himself. Bush as a clear-thinking, decisive leader? Give me a break. This man couldn’t lead his way out of a bag of pretzels.

This is a man who probably gets distracted by the pictures on the menu at Denny's, then forgets that he’s hungry. This is a man whose limited creativity is evidenced by the childish nicknames he assigns people – Yosh, Brownie, Stretch, Tall Guy. This is a man who spends more time bikin' and clearin’ brush than he does presidentin'. And does it scare anyone that all that time he spends biking and clearing brush and generally doing nothing, he still doesn't seem to do any crtitical thinking? Honestly, this is a guy who can probably whack away at weeds for six hours straight and not think of a single thing other than, 'boy, sure are a lot of weeds here.'

Hard workin' preznit.

But Bush isn’t there to be the president; he's there to play the president. He's nothing more than a sock puppet, and Cheney is the hand. (I know, I just got a really disturbing image in my head too… sorry ‘bout that) The only time Bush may have actually been running the country on his own was when Cheney decided to take some time off for a fishing trip last August, and we all know what happened then: He lost the entire city of New Orleans.

Hard workin' Nero.

This is a man who isn’t interested in asking questions. He doesn’t want to be bothered by inconvenient contradictions to his set-in-stone belief system. He’s Uncurious George, and that’s exactly why the Neocons chose him for the role. These guys knew what they wanted to do going back 15 years, at least. They just needed someone uninterested and disengaged enough to pimp it for them without asking any pesky questions. They needed a hunk of clay, basically, and they chose George W. Bush.

They’ve appealed to Bush’s belief in a higher power. They’ve convinced him that he’s the chosen one. They persuade him to adopt their goals and opinions as his own and then let him ride out his messianic fantasy. They've created this insulated bio-dome for him to operate from, one where all his decisions are his own, are justified and ultimately turn out for the best. They need him to live in this fantasyland, where freedom is on the march and the armies of compassion hand out lollipops of liberty, in order to carry out their plan. And who are “they” led by? None other than Dick Cheney, an original signatory to ‘they’re’ plan, also known as the Project for the New American Century.

The next step in that plan apparently is to go after Iran. Now, this is just speculation of course, but if we do end up dropping nukes on that country, I have a feeling the conversation where that decision is made will go something like this:

Dick: I think we should drop some nukes on Iran George
Bush: Really? I don't know... seems dangerous.
Dick: Dangerous? You haven't been reading again have you George?
Bush: Nawww, it just seems like most people don't want me to do it, ya know?
Dick: Who cares what people think! You're The Decider, remember? Come on George, do it.
Bush: Well...
Dick: I'll let you fly the jet again...
Bush: Really?

So who do we want calling the shots, a bumbling buffoon with the attention span of an 8-year-old? Or a paranoid schizophrenic with a penchant for blowing things up? I say neither, we gotta impeach ‘em both. And now.

MORE
In the Dark: It's a Secret!
Dreyfuss: The Vice Squad
MahaBlog: Patriotism vs. Paranoia
Globe: Secrecy is Cheney’s Hallmark
Shakes: President Cheney? *shudder*
Attyhood: The Growing Paranoia of Dick Cheney
Newsweek: Inside Cheney’s dark, secretive mindset

“Secrecy and a free, democratic government don’t mix.” – Harry S. Truman

[return to DAYS home]

2006-05-03T23:59:00.000-04:00

WHAT A LOSER
I'm so disappointed in you Zacarias Moussaoui. How can you even try to call yourself a martyr? You tried to be part of the team, but you just couldn't cut it could you? You had dreams of 72 virgins but, after popping off in flight school, you were left on the sidelines on the day of the big game, weren't you? You then had a rare second chance at martyrdom, this time in the courtroom, but you couldn't even convince 12 strangers you were evil enough to warrant execution. Really, that's just sad.

Evil poseur and big fat failure.

And what did you have to say for yourself at the end of it all?

"America you lost!" Moussaoui shouted as he left the courtroom. He clapped his hands and shouted, "I won!"

Oh yeah? Try telling Rocco in cellblock D you're a 'winner' as he's 'welcoming' you to the big house. Seriously Zac, get a life -- in prison. Ya loser.

2006-05-03T16:27:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
The Internet is big. Here's a shorter version.
1. Shorter Vanity Fair: Dick Cheney is fucking nuts. (Spud has more over at Shakes place)
2. Speaking of Cheney, Stephen Pizzo reminds us of Big Dick's super-secret Energy Task Force meetings back in '01 and implores Congress to investigate them now. These are the meetings that probably laid the groundwork for the Iraq invasion, led to today's soaring gas prices, and helped to line Lee Raymond's massively fat jowels with wads and wads of cash.
3. First-Draft: Normally, news that Bush's approval rating is at 55% would depress me. That is, unless that figure is culled from a poll made up entirely of white, protestant evangelicals. If he's close to losing the majority of that group, he's in a deep pile of WASPy shit.
4. Commenting on his own hypocrisy about the Star Spanglish Banner, Dear Leader says "if we have to hit the imigrints to get em stop singin the nashinal song then dammit we will."
5. Superman is such a dick. (thx ash)

Dick on the Mic: 'Don't you know i'm loco?'

ON THIS DAY: In 1988 it was revealed that first lady Nancy Reagan regularly consulted with psychics and the Zodiac to help schedule her husband's activities. Today's first lady, Laura Bush, regularly consults with Paxil and Xanax to help deal with her husband's idiocies. Go figure.

2006-05-02T18:27:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
Trawling the internets for all the latest political chum.
1. US News reports that our poor wittle pwesident had his feelings hurt by the mean Mr. Colbert. Good. Meanwhile, FOX News complains that the scathing routine was "over the line" and "not very funny." Hey FOX, you know what's over the line? Making jokes about missing WMDs while soldiers are getting blown to bits in a still raging war -- that's over the line. And you know what's not very funny? Horse masturbation jokes. Froomkin, FDL and Atrios/Salon all have more. Go thank the mean Mr. Colbert, wont' you?
2. A lawsuit is forcing the details of convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff's White House visits to be released. This is good news but I swear, if Jack's visits mysteriously match up with Gannon's visits, I'm throwing in the f'ing towel. It'll just be too much. I mean, it won't be as head-spinning as the Director of the CIA tied up with defense contractors and crooked congressmen in a 'hookers for influence' scandal emanating from the the Watergate hotel, but my head will probably still explode. And besides, that hooker thing would never happen, right?. Uhhhhh, yeah.
3. Raw Story: Apparently, that whole 'Valerie Plame wasn't working on anything important' argument just went up in smoke. Turns out she was working on Iran's nuclear program. The little man inside my head who wears the tin-foil mittens thinks maybe Plame was coming up with all the wrong answers prompting Cheney to place an order to "out the bitch". Sounds like something he'd say, no?
4. The Republican Congress backed off its ridiculous idea to bribe gas-weary Americans with crisp Ben Franklins. The idea was basically this: "Worried about gas prices? Here's a $100. Now STFU." I realize they've been basically fu*king us the last six years, but must they so blatantly treat us like whores? I kinda wish it had gone through though, just so we could partake in Dark Wraith's brilliant plan.
5. With a placenta-munching Tom Cruise getting ready to attack Manhattan for the premiere of mi3IIIii (or whatever) this week, the summer movie season has begun. The NYDN gives us this handy preview. The only thing you really need to know? 'Snakes on a Plane' opens August 18. That's right, Snakes on a MotherF'ing Plane. Deal with it.

ON THIS DAY: In 2004, Poland establishes May 2nd as Flag Day, reminding us all never to forget Poland again.

2006-05-02T01:31:00.000-04:00

FROM WAY DOWNTOWN
I think I've come up with a softer, gentler way to break the latest poll numbers to Dear Leader:

French Lick-alicious baby.

Maybe he'll get confused and just think we're telling him he's got a great jump shot. Should soften the blow, no? It's kinder than having Colbert tell him, that's for sure.

2006-05-01T16:35:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
Happy Mission Accomplished Day! A full flight deck of fun awaits below!
1. Best place to start? ThinkProgress of course. They take a look at the numbers since Commander Codpiece's photo-stunt. They also inform us that Scotty McCllelan proclaimed today that 'We Are On the Way to Accomplishing the Mission.' Guess that was too long for the banner, eh?
2. E&P looks back at the state of things three years ago by zeroing in on the NY Times coverage of the event. MediaMatters provides a full rundown of how the rest of the fawning and fellating media covered it. (WARNING: You'll need to take a shower after you're through.)
3. Media Needle gives us a unique presidential POV from the cockpit that day.
4. The General points out that the preznit has proclaimed today Loyalty Day. How very Dictatorish of him. When will the children line up to sing their praises to Dear Leader? Oh, they already did that? Nevermind.
5. But it's not just Loyalty Day, no sirree. FDL points out that Bush has also proclaimed today 'Law Day'. Good strategy, distract us from that giant smoking banner with the concepts of Loyalty and Law. One problem President McFlightSuit: You're the biggest lawbreaker in the land. Mr. Greenwald has more.

Can we get an 'Impeachment Accomplished' banner ready?

ON THIS DAY: In 2003... uhhhh, see above.

2006-04-30T20:51:00.000-04:00

TRUTHINESS STEALS THE SHOW
If you haven't seen Stephen Colbert's performance at last night's White House Correspondents Dinner, do yourself a favor and watch it now. Right now. Best thing I've seen in weeks, months, years even. Go here or click the image below. (courtesy OGM)

Stephen Colbert has gigantic balls.

UPDATE: For a full, unedited version, in 3 parts, use these. Like it big? Go here.

I'm guessing Bush didn't even get half the jokes Colbert dropped, but he knew they were all at his expense. And he was not happy. Early reports of Colbert's performance seemed to indicate that he had bombed. But what those reports fail to mention is that nobody was laughing because the room was filled with the very same people (Bush & the press corps) that Colbert was eviscerating. Of course no one was laughing, they were too busy being ripped a new asshole. Shakes and her team sum it up best, and provide us with this kick-ass graphic to boot.

And since we're celebrating Mr. Colbert, do yourself a favor and watch his audition tape for Bush's press secretary as well as his devastating interview with Neocon poster boy Bill Kristol. Great stuff.

Oh, and whoever's idea this was?

Not funny. Not funny at all. Isn't one bad enough?

MORE
OGM: Full video
Kos: Complete transcript
TMV: A reaction round-up
Daou: The media's power to choose the news.

2006-04-30T17:02:00.000-04:00

DANGEROUS MINDS, DANGEROUS TIMES
As I stood in the sunshine at Union Square yesterday observing thousands march down Broadway toward City Hall, a man with a camera asked me why I was there. I responded, 'because the men in the White House are extremely dangerous.' The man with the camera said, 'that's exactly what Dan Ellsberg just said'. Funny that.

On Broadway, 4.29.06

Of course, it was Ellsberg's leak of the Pentagon Papers in the 1971 that helped turn an already anxious and angry public fully against the war in Vietnam. It wasn't just the hippies and yippies who had been protesting Vietnam action en masse, Nixon's own 'silent majority' finally turned against him. While the tide didn't turn soon enough to prevent him from winning a second term in '72, the seeds were sown with Ellsberg's leak.

At yesterday's march, I got into a discussion with someone on the sidelines about the effect these types of actions have. He presented the oft-used argument that these types of marches, because they are typically portrayed as only being joined by 'freaks, hippies, communists and lesbians', make it more difficult to attract the mainstream into the anti-war, anti-Bush fold. Frankly, I'm tired of that argument. The marchers I saw yesterday were the mainstream. They were stroller-pushing mothers and fathers, fed-up grandmothers, churchgoers, grocey-store clerks, construction workers, artists, accountants and veterans. This is not a 'fringe element', this is 70% of the country, a clear majority. And it isn't silent.

That ol' silent majority.

So when do we start camping out on the White House lawn?

By the way, in the wake of Ellsberg's leak of the Pentagon Papers, Nixon's 'plumbers' raided Ellsberg's psychiatrist's office in an attempt to discredit and smear him publicly. The raid later became an important piece of the Watergate scandal which ultimately took down the Nixon presidency. Funny that, no?

He so is a crook.

MORE
NYDN: An Army of Protestors
Lassiter: Massive, beautiful and powerful
American Stories: Marching here, fleeing there
UC Berkley: Vietnam War multimedia timeline

2006-04-28T23:44:00.000-04:00

GUESS I KNOW WHERE I GOT IT FROM
This came, out of nowhere, from my Dad today. He's mad.

I’m Mad!

In 1973 I sat in block long lines to get gasoline for my 1967 Fiat 850 coupe. I sat next to gas guzzling 1960 versions of today’s SUV. As a nation we came together and said never again. Never again would we put ourselves into the position of being blackmailed by oil. We set standards for fuel efficiency for auto manufacturers at 27.5 mpg. We dropped the speed limit to 55 mph. We appointed an Energy Czar. We went to year-round daylight savings.

33 years later – 7 presidents ago – how are we doing?

I’m Mad!
We never even got close to forcing mpg on the auto manufacturers. In fact, they somehow were able to exempt larger trucks, which turned into SUVs, from any standard. The speed limit is back. No one is in charge of energy.

Why not? Who is to blame? The government? The oil producing nations? The oil companies? I don’t think so.

We’re to blame! For not holding our elected officials accountable for the shortsighted, look the other way implementation of policies that would have weaned us off our dependence on oil, made us a stronger country and spared the ravaging of our environment.

Look at that truck next to you during rush hour. You know, the one that sits so high you can only see the transmission. How did we let that happen? People shouldn’t be able to buy such a monstrosity.

I’m Mad and I don’t know what to do. Do you?

Ok, my dad's pissed -- these guys are toast. And he's not only pissed, he's right. If I see one more goddam Hummer on the streets, I'm gonna go all Cheney and shoot someone in the face, I swear.*

Hey, if we're gonna go after all the big fat gas guzzling pigs, can we start with this one?

** thank you Free W'burg**
House Speaker and Huge Guzzlepig Dennis Hastert of Ill., center, gets out of a Hydrogen Alternative Fueled automobile, left, as he prepares to board his SUV, which uses gasoline, after holding a news conference at a local gas station in Washington, Thursday, April 27, 2006 to discuss the recent rise in gas prices. Hastert and other members of Congress drove off in the Hydrogen-Fueled cars only to switch to their official cars to drive the few blocks back to the U.S. Capitol. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

'Ahhhhhh man, I am so wasted on this stuff. Good shit, isn't it Denny?'

Who's up for a march?

*That was satire. I promise not to actually shoot someone in the face.

2006-04-27T19:09:00.000-04:00

WE STILL HAVE TO PROTEST THIS CRAP?
The heading of this post one of the best signs I spotted in DC the last time we marched. This Saturday, we do it again, right here in Gotham. Here's the skinny:

Assemble: 22nd Street and Broadway, 10:30 am
March: At noon down Broadway to Foley Square
Grassroots action festival: 1:00-6:00PM, Foley Square
More info at: www.April29.org

Every time one of these marches or rallies happens, I'm asked why I even bother to participate. People ask, 'what's the point?' Last time, when asked the 'why march?' question, I put together this list in response. It is, by far, the most oft-linked post in DAYS humble little history, even more popular than the 'Bush Is Gay' post. It's a long list, but it's not even close to comprehensive. It was only September that I put that list together, and yet if I were to update it today, it's size would probably double. Scooter Libby, out-of-control gas prices, Civil War in Iraq, domestic eavesdropping, the contemplation of nuclear weapons, etc., etc. Honestly, it would be easier to list reasons NOT to march this Saturday.

But instead of coming up with my own list, this time I'm going to actually do some reporting and talk to the people at the march. I'll ask them why they're marching and what they would say to the president if they had a minute of his precious time. Check back here early next week for some of their answers.

My short answer to the 'why march?' question is that every little action helps, that it's one more note on the increasingly louder drumbeat of dissastisfaction in this country. For years now, Bush's babysitters have done everything in their power to keep Dear Leader in his bubble, away from the indignant hordes. But that bubble is beginning to burst. Whether re-routing his bike rides, forcing him off campus at Stanford, or telling him we're 'ashamed' of him right to his face, the preznit is finally feeling the heat. No doubt, his minders are screaming at each other, "Code Red! Defcon 5! The bubble is getting smaller! Must. Protect. The Boy."

[from truthout.org]

The pressure is building on these guys, they're falling apart. And while it doesn't seem right to wish for one's own government to crumble, this one has to before we can even begin to work on restoring what's been lost.

And if you need a little extra motivation to get fired up -- you know, besides the destruction of our democracy -- look no further than the Granny Peace Brigade.*

Waving canes and white-knuckling their walkers, 18 unrepentant anti-war grannies nixed a plea deal yesterday before going on trial for rallying outside a Times Square recruiting station.

The women, all facing disorderly conduct charges in Manhattan Criminal Court, refused the last-minute deal in which prosecutors offered to dismiss the cases if they stayed out of trouble for six months.

The war in Iraq "is wrong as all getout! And we're against it, and we'll do whatever it takes, whatever we can do to stop it," Marie Runyon, 91, said, waving her cane before entering the courthouse.

You know they'll be in the streets Saturday, and they're half-blind and use walkers. What's your excuse?

By the way, the grannies we're acquitted today. You go Grannies.

MORE
DAYS: Why We March
J.Holland: The De-clawed Left
W.R. Pitt: Your Attention Please
Voice: Grandmothers of Invention
Also: Save Darfur rally, Saturday in DC

"To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men."
-- Abraham Lincoln

[return to DAYS home]

2006-04-26T17:17:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
We got your daily internet chatter right here!
1. Fitzmas, Fitzukah, l'affair d'Plame, etc: Ooooh, I'm getting that tingly feeling again. Truthout is reporting that Karl Rove's volunteer appearance before the Grand Jury today was prompted by receipt of a target letter (i.e. a 'you're about to be indicted' letter) from St. Patrick. Check out the DAYS archives for a refresher on where we left off in this case. Even more useful, the gang at FDL follows every machination of this complex case right here. Put out your milk and cookies everyone, Santa Fitzgerald's coming to town.
2. DNC: I wouldn't normally link to something directly from the Democrats because typically they're just a frustrating pack of spineless cowards, but today's memo to W's new spinmasters, Tony Snow and Josh Bolten, is pretty damn good. Hey, maybe the Dems are finally growing a pair? Once again, a tip 'o the cap to the incomparable Shakespeare's Sister.
3. MediaMatters: Speaking of new press secretary Snow, here's a partial collection of a career's worth of falsehoods and misdirections. Frankly, he's the perfect man for this job.
4. Evan: "Forget bird flu, impeachment is spreading across the nation, state by state."
5. Worker #3116: Do you believe you are retarded? (hilarious site, btw. check it out.)

'I am so fucked.'

ON THIS DAY: In 2001 World Intellectual Property Day was founded. Man, if I had only known, I would've taken the day off. Curses! This year's theme, by the way, is "It Starts With An Idea." Hey, I have an idea, let's impeach the president!

2006-04-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

SWEATIN' WITH THE TWINS
I love when the Bush twins make the gossip pages. This from today's NYDN:

One personal trainer at the Sportsclub/L.A. in Washington, D.C., is sweating even more profusely than usual. During an early-morning class, spinning instructor Glenn Makl went off on a rant against President Bush — even offering a DVD of Bush gaffes to his students. Oops. Among his pupils were Jenna and Barbara Bush. A source tells Heard on the Hill's Mary Ann Akers that club managers apologized profusely to Jenna's chivalrous boyfriend, Henry Hager, who demanded an explanation for Makl's rude behavior.

An explanation? You want an explanation? How about the fact that your future father-in-law is a total douche? How's that for an explanation?

'You know, that guy's got a point -- dad is sort of a tool.'

Wonkette, of course, has been all over this. Keep spinning twins!

2006-04-26T01:07:00.000-04:00

SERIOUSLY...

... what a fucking tool.

That's all I have to say.

Oh, and 32%. That's all.

2006-04-25T17:09:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
Psssssst! Hey, what's going on out there? A quick rundown.
1. Shakes: President Bush apes 'Valley Girl' as he talks about Iraq and God's role in his foreign policy. Gag me with a spoon. Like, totally.
2. Brandoland: When Republicans don't get what they want, they take their ball on go home. Literally.
3. Brzezinski: Don't Attack Iran (ThinkProgress has a long list of governmental figures against an Iran attack (i.e. the Sane Ones) here.)
4. Progressive: So a 15-year-old girl from Alabama produces a short animation opposing Bush's war and posts it on the web. In return, she receives e-mails of encouragement and thanks from the left. From the right, she gets this: “It’s people like you who need to fu*king die and get rap*d while your corpse rots in the sun. Fu*k you, I would ja*k off on your parents if I could." And that's only part of one of the e-mails she received. Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bush's base. (ht to Mike at C&L)
5. MediaNeedle: The preznit's idea to ease gas prices? Pollute! Pollute! Pollute! (Morse's caption on the photo is the best; so best in fact that i've re-posted it below. Go check out MediaNeedle, it's a good one.)

Is it just coincidence that everything in this photo resembles a dick? (from MediaNeedle)

UPDATE: Late addition, somehow missed, from D-Ren: DNCDLCDCCCDSCC, listen up.

ON THIS DAY: In 1945 fifty nations gathered at the Conference on International Organizations in San Francisco to begin drafting the United Nations Charter. Somewhere, a young John Bolton heard, got angry and threw a stapler at someone's head.

2006-04-24T14:47:00.000-04:00

DICK: NOT JUST DRUNK ON POWER ANYMORE
It's frightening enough to know that a secretive, manipulating madman like Dick Cheney is at the helm of the country, but what about the idea of a secretive, manipulating and raging drunk madman at the controls? Scary, no?

"Damn, light on the whiskey again... can I get a fu*king man's coffee around here please?!"

Just speculating here, 'cuz that's what we leftist loons do best, but let's consider some of the evidence:

PRECEDENT: Dick has had problems with alcohol abuse in the past, going back to his dual DWIs as a young man in Wyoming. These of course occured in between his dropping out of Yale and his receiving a whopping 5 deferments to avoid service in Vietnam.

TEMPERMENT: There's the well-reported story that Dick told Sen. Pat Leahy to "go fuck yourself" on the floor of the Senate back in '04. What wasn't widely reported was the fact that he was waving the sharp end of a bottle of Jack, which he had just smashed over Sen. Lieberman's head, in Leahy's face when he said it.

RECENTLY: Last week, Dick went against protocol and insisted on wearing sunglasses during the arrival ceremony of Chinese president Hu Jintao, a total hangover giveaway. Later that morning, Cheney was caught by cameras openly snoozing during Bush and Hu's press briefing.

AND OF COURSE: There's that whole Shooting-His-Friend-in-the-Face thing.

I'm only saying, if the guy who pulls the president's strings, runs our foreign policy and is currently hurtling us toward nuclear war with Iran, is hitting the sauce, I think we ought to know about it. Seems like another reason for the Impeach Cheney movement to go forward, no?

So, to recap...

+++ =

... maybe someone ought to look into this.

MORE
Billmon: System Reboot
LAT: Step Down Cheney
HuffPo: Billion Dollar Cheney
RS: The Curse of Dick Cheney

2006-04-24T11:32:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
A quick scan of what's percolating on the internets today.
1. Think Progress: Former CIA official Tony Drumheller on 60 Minutes says the Bush administration ignored intelligence that didn't fit the 'facts' they needed to go to war. (What? No way! To those who are shocked by this, I'll echo Taylor over at FDL: "Welcome to the party.")
2. D-Ren: "President Bush denies making the decision to invade Iraq in advance. In actuality, the decision was made: 1. Without his input 2. 15 years ago 3. By Dick Cheney and Rumsfeld."
3. Real Time: The Bill Maher Children's Choir serenades the Bushies. (via OGM)
4. Mike Carol: Tide Turns on Dubya's Wreck ("It is the George W. Bush ship of fools, stuck in the mud for the world to see in all its mendacity, its incompetence, its faith-based stupidity.")
5. Bonus two-fer! 1115.org looks to the Coen Bros. for inspiration in "Reform? Maybe we should get us some of that?" Over at the Whiskey Bar, Billmon does his Orwell thing as only he can.

Today's Two Minute Hate brought to you by the Ministry of Peace.

ON THIS DAY: In 1967 Gen. William Westmoreland painted a rosy picture of the war in Ira-- Vietnam ("the military picture is favorable"), despite an endless stream of bad news from the jungles. In response to a question with regard to the growing peace movement on the streets, the controversial general said the Communist enemy was “encouraged by what he believes to be popular opposition to our efforts in Vietnam.” Sound familiar? "Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, concluding a four-day trip to Iraq and Afghanistan, said today that critics of the Bush administration's Iraq policy are encouraging terrorists and complicating the ongoing U.S. war on terrorism."

2006-04-21T21:04:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
A daily round-up of what's buzzing 'round the interwebs.
1. Stephen Colbert gives us a Happy Earth Day message. (from OGM)
2. Conason: Attacking Iran? Are They Nuts? (Yes. Yes they are.)
3. Milbank: A Host of Indignities (A few things not to do when a head of state visits: Introduce him as his enemy, yank on his jacket as if he were a child, take a nap, allow a protestor to scream in his face. No wonder the summit produced little result. Whatever, they're both fascist dicks anyway.)
4. Norbizness imagines how Bush may have handled President Hu's visit: "Huuuu are you?"
5. Pink: Dear Mr. President (I don't like Pink; at least I didn't until I saw this. Watch it.)

Wake up Mr. VP! Your pants are on fire!

ON THIS DAY: In 1962 The World's Fair in Seattle opened. The space-age themed exhibition relied heavily on the 'Googie' architechtural style, highlighted by the introduction of the Monorail and the opening of the landmark Space Needle. At the time, the 1.2 mile track of the Monorail was touted as the first stage in a revolutionary new form of transit. Today, the track is still only 1.2 miles long. As for the Needle, dinner at the revolving restaurant averaged about $7 when it opened. Today, that much may get you a glass of water at the place. Forty-two years later, my girlfriend would make her first-ever visit to Seattle. When asked by my father, who she was meeting for the first time, what her impressions of the city were, she would answer: "Well, your needle's a lot smaller than I thought it would be." That's my girl.

2006-04-21T12:15:00.000-04:00

WHITE HOUSE MAKE-UP SHAKE UP
Oh Harriet, just pack your goth eyeliner and go, won't you? And stop crying George.

Bush Counsel May Be Next in Shake-Up

Joshua B. Bolten, the new White House chief of staff, has raised the possibility of moving Harriet E. Miers from her job as President Bush's counsel as part of a continuing shake-up of the West Wing.

Mr. Bolten is said by a number of Republicans in Washington to feel that Ms. Miers is indecisive, a weak manager and slow in moving vital paperwork through the system.

That doesn't seem fair, she moved this document through to her boss a full month before the hellfire reigned down on us.

8/6/01: 'That word is determined sir. It means, certain. You know, like he's going to do it? Do you understand sir? Sir?'

It's not her fault that 'The Decider' was indecisive on it. Sheesh.

2006-04-21T00:39:00.000-04:00

W IS FOR WICKED
Hmmm, let's see, Karl Rove is 'stripped of his policy portfolio to focus more on politics.' What possibly could that mean? Is he being punished? Has he lost some power? Hell no, Bush's evil brain is simply regaining his focus. His mission? Operation Save The Boy King. Let's face it, Bush isn't a popular president. In fact, what's that I hear? A 35% popularity rating? Damn, that's downright Nixonian. Oh, and what's this? Did someone say 33%?? Wow. Bravo Sir! It's hard work to be that unpopular.

Naturally, it's Rove to the rescue. And with that in mind, imagine if you will, a little musical theatre. Imagine Kingmaker Karl as Glinda, singing in the ear of Bush's Elphaba, to the tune of 'Popular' from the smash Broadway musical, Wicked. Places please everybody, places!

When someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Tho' it's the toughest case
I've yet to face
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead
And yes, indeed
You will be...

Popular!
You're gonna be popular!

Everything that really counts
To be popular
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start'
Cause you've got an awfully long way to go

When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf
To think of
Celebrated heads of state or
Specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular!

Please - It's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very very popular
Like me!

In the end, Glinda failed. So too will Rove, and Bush will melt away. Oz will be free.

2006-04-20T18:40:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
A daily round-up of what's buzzing 'round the Interwebs.
1. Rolling Stone: The Worst President Ever? (Well, yeah. Duh. And who cares if they ripped off an '04 Voice cover, it's just nice to see this shit in mass circulation finally.)
2. Taylor at FDL: And what about Rove? (Think the latest shake-up strips away some of Turd Blossom's power? Better think again.)
3. Pandagon and Digby offer their opinion on Purity Balls. To sum up, "Ewwwwwwwww, just ewwww."
4. Rep. Emerson (R-Mo) is 'puzzled' how the post-script "you're an asshole" ended up on an otherwise cordial letter to one of her constituents. The AP story begins "Nobody expects to get a letter from a member of Congress that ends with an expletive." That's true, those letters typically come from the Vice President.
5. The General has a few thoughts on Scotty's replacement: "All the most loyal candidates are busy avoiding indictments or surfing teenspace.com in the hopes of hooking up during the next Homeland Security drill."

'Ahhhhhhh. Best. Dump. Ever. I'm a free man!'

ON THIS DAY: In 2004, President Bush had this to say about wiretapping: "Now, by the way, any time you hear the United States government talking about wiretap, it requires -- a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by the way. (LIE!) When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. (LIE!) It's important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution. (LIE!)" ITMFA!

Also on this day, in 1653, Oliver Cromwell dissolved the Rump Parliament. I don't really know what this is, I just really, really wanted to type 'Rump Parliament'.

2006-04-19T22:19:00.000-04:00

GO ON, BEAM HIM UP
So Scott McCllelan has been cut loose, eh? Well thank god, that oughta clean this entire mess right up, no? Honestly, these recent staff changes are the political equivalent of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. If Scotty could offer comment I'm sure he'd say that it's White House policy not to comment on an ongoing capsizing.

'Good boy! Now go! Run! Be free!'

You know, I always felt kind of sorry for Scotty McCllelan. I know, I know, he's guilty of parroting the many lies of BushCo., he stonewalled, he dissembled, he squirmed, he tap-danced, etc. But I just always had this feeling that Scotty was the poor schlub who just wanted to be part of the gang, run with the cool crowd. He seems like the guy who the jocks laughed at while they snapped him with towels. And instead of fighting back or getting mad, he probably laughed along with them just so he could feel as though he was in on the joke. Seriously, how many times do you think Rummy pantsed this poor, pasty-faced tub?

'Please Rummy, make it stop.''

That said, I have minimal sympathy for the guy. He should've grabbed that towel, wrapped it around Rummy's neck and yanked it until the crazy bastard turned purple.

So now discussion of a replacement begins. Much speculation out on the interwebs about this. Trent Duffy seems to want the job, and badly. D-Renegade is pulling for Torrie Clarke, based solely on the former Defense Dept. spokeswoman's fabulously garish fashion sense. Jeff at SOD has plenty of suggestions, including Saddam's brilliant propaganda minister, Baghdad Bob. But the consensus seems to be -- wait for it -- current FOX News talking head Tony Snow. Mr. Snow has a history of making misleading or downright false statements, a pre-requisite for FOX News staffers. Snow's latest outrageous claim came just yesterday when he attributed sky-rocketing gas prices to the current criticism of Don Rumsfeld. Yep, he sounds perfect for the job.

But I have another suggestion, how about Lindsay Lohan? Check out her performance from this past weekend's SNL:

(click image to view. thx BradBlog)

I don't know, Linds may be perfect for the job. And can anyone imagine her and the twins tearing it up in the District every night? Scary.

... and he's climbing a stairway to heaven.

Fare thee well Scotty, you sad, chubby bastard you.

MORE
C&L: Al Franken says goodbye (audio)
Countdown: Scotty's greatest hits (video)
AgitProp: A FOX in the White House
Shakes QOTD: Who (or what) should replace Scotty?

[return to DAYS home]

2006-04-19T11:07:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
1. Robert Dreyfuss: Vice Squad (How the Cheney administration works. Shakes sums it up.)
2. Carl Bernstein calls for Senate Hearings on Bush, Now.
3. Kevin K. (formerly of Catch.com) on FDL: Fear & Loathing in the Nuttersphere ("Rather than learning valuable and long-coming lessons from their multitude of mistakes, they’ve decided to screw the fear in deeper and layer even more bat shit onto their crazy.")
4. Oh don't groan, just watch the trailer to Al Gore's 'An Inconvient Truth'. While the non-reality based community (i.e. the Bush administration) chooses to ignore science and reason, systematically stifles it in fact, a film like this is exactly what we need. It's time to wake up. And yeah, I'd consider RE-electing Gore in '08. He deserves the 4 years he never got, and so do we.
5. Bush: "I'm The Decider." Really? But, uh, your decidering sucks. Maybe you should be The Resignerer instead? Whaddya say, wanna give it a shot? (Wonkette, The Mod Voice, D-Ren, HuffPo, Digby and Sadly No, among others, have more.)

Decide this, bitches!

ON THIS DAY: In 1943 Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann deliberately consumed 250 grams of LSD, becoming the first to experiment with the drug later immortalized by, among others, the Beatles, Timothy Leary and Hunter Thompson. After ingesting the hallucinogen, Dr. Hofman cycled home from his lab, experiencing the first-ever acid trip later recounted in his book, LSD: My Problem Child. April 19th has since been known as Bicycle Day. If you can't celebrate the day by ingesting the drug yourself, just check out this flash animation courtesy of the indominatble Ms. SchmidtyBooger. It'll have roughly the same effect.

2006-04-18T11:58:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
1. Think Progress: Swift-boating the Generals
2. Evan Derkacz: If you've lost the fishermen...
3. Nancy Goldstein: Dinner With Napoli ("I wasn't sure whether to use chorizo or bacon in my paella, so I called South Dakota state senator Bill Napoli and asked him to make my decision for me.")
4. Another fun little trick from Google. First, type "asshole" into the search box. Next, hit the 'I feel lucky' button. Proceed to laugh and cry at the same time. Or, skip all that and just go here. (thx to St. Sabini)
5. A few days late, but this is exactly why we need a 'War on Easter': The Easter Bunny Hates You (bunny ear tip to the fabulous D-Renegade)

Finally, a whistleblower in the White House!

ON THIS DAY: In 1906, a 7.8 magnitude earthquake rocks San Francisco, destroying most of the city and killing upwards of 6,000 people. Today, Barry Bonds' giant head threatens to cause similar damage to the Bay Area.

2006-04-17T22:01:00.000-04:00

ANNA BENS*N SUCKS ASS
I hate Anna Bens*n with a fiery passion. Who is Anna Bens*n you ask? Well, for starters, she may be the person who single-handedly shuts down this blog. She's also the wife of major league baseball pitcher Kris Benson, a former New York Met, current Baltimore Oriole and constant shadow to his larger-than-life, ex-stripper wife. More than two years ago, when Anna -- er, Kris -- was traded to the Mets I made the fatal mistake of posting about her arrival in Gotham. Ever since, she's been playing havoc with my site traffic, hence the redacted 'o' in Ms. Bens*n's name.

Pure, unadulterated evil. In stilletos.

She came in with a roar, proclaiming loudly on Howard Stern that if her husband ever cheated on her she would sleep with every member of the Mets organization, right down to the batboys. Naturally, I had to make mention of this, and it didn't hurt that she's smokin' hot... in that skeevy stripper kind of way. Oh, and I had just figured out how to post photos on this thing, so yeah, posting about her was inevitable. But I rue the day, I really do.

Now, every few weeks, I'll get a huge surge in my site traffic. At first glance I'll think, 'cool, Crooks & Liars or maybe Shake's Sis linked me!', because I'm narcissitic that way. But then I look closely and realize that most of my visitors have come looking for pictures of this scantily clad trollop. I've long since deleted the original post, but the slobbering masses just keep coming. Every time I see my numbers surge into the thousands I know that she's opened her stupid mouth about something. Or she's dressed up in a low-cut Mrs. Claus outfit for a children's charity event. Or she's filed for divorce from her husband. Or she's reconciled with him only three days later. She's insane I tell ya, and she won't go away.

And the worst part? She's a gun-toting, fur-wearing, Dubya-loving Republican. As I said, I may just have to fold up my blogging tent and go home. Thanks a lot Anna Bens*n.

2006-04-17T02:14:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
1. Digby: Are We There Yet? (the War in Iran has already started; Bush is "a megalomaniac child in the hands of manipulative men")
2. In a world on the brink of implosion, where are the GOP's priorities? Flag burning, gay marriage and abortion, that's where. Billmon responds: "Thank God the GOP is on top of things, because if we can't get this nationwide epidemic of flag burning under control, we could be in some real trouble."
3. Former Marine Captain Chris Sheppard: "I will never trust any of them again."
4. Morford: The Bible's All Wrong. Again.
5. Salon: What Rumsfeld Knew (All 'bad apples' need a leader, don't they?)

'He's my man, ok? We pinky-sweared on this shit, so there's no turning back now. It was a goddam pinky swear, ok?'

ON THIS DAY: In 1935, the Rev. Sun Myung Moon had a vision of Jesus Christ. The Big JC told Rev. Moon to take up the mantle and complete the mission he started almost 2000 years prior. In 1954, Moon proclaimed himself the messiah and formed his Unification Church. For the next half-century, Rev. Moon would be driven out of Korea, arrive in the U.S., achieve cult-leader status, build a business empire, get imprisoned for tax fraud, be embraced by the Reaganites, and eventually help propel George W. Bush to the presidency. In 2004, the current US Congress would honor Rev. Moon in a 'coronation ceremony.' Also on this date, in 1937, Daffy Duck made his theatrical debut. Coincidence?

2006-04-15T22:56:00.000-04:00

JESUS FREAKS, OUT IN THE STREETS*
This is nothing new, but Bill O'Reilly pisses me off. When I was in Israel a few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were in one of these 'Minerals-R-Us' type places near the Dead Sea and she said, "maybe I should get a new loofah," and I thought of that dick. That pissed me off big time. There's a little place in my 'hood called Mr. Falafel, and whenever I walk past it, I think of that douche. That also pisses me off. And when I see a pile of dog shit on the sidewalk, I think of him. And that pisses me off too.

His latest bit of douchebagery is his revival of the Right's "War On ______" series. A week ago, he let his viewers know that the 'War on Easter' was surging ahead full bore. But now Mr. Falafel says there is no 'War On Easter'. But I'm not gonna let him change his tune. Not gonna let him flip-flop on this thing. I want a war dammit. I need a war. You tossed the first egg my friend, it's time to throw down.

Soldiers in the War.

If O'Reilly thinks the War is off, he better let his field generals know. They've been up to some seriously batshit guerilla warfare in the name of Jesus lately. To wit:

Rick Scarborough recently hosted his 'War on Christians' conference to spread word that white men who follow Jesus and who, by and large, hold the most money and power in this country, are under attack.
Texan Ron Luce, a Bush appointee natch, wants to unleash a "blitz" of youth pastors to battle the "virtue terrorism" of popular culture. At a recent rally in San Francisco dubbed "Battle Cry for a Generation", Luce's teenaged followers gathered to decry such abominations as same-sex marriages as a clear "sign of the End Times". There was no mention of torture, the use of nuclear weapons or fooling a nation to war in their discussion.
Georgia Tech student Ruth Malhotra, argued recently that the university's tolerance policy is infringing on her right to be Christian. She took the school to court on the premise that bashing gay people is part and parcel to her faith. Nice faith ya got there Ruth. Bigot much?
The Rev. Flip Benham's 'Operation Save America', which, as The Revealer reports, recently bitch-slapped teen agents of the radical homosexual agenda in North Carolina. If it weren't for folks like Rev. Flip, the homos would already be running the country.

The Bush administration, and its reliance on playing the faith card, have brought these folks out of the closet. And yet, the actions of the Bush administration -- war, torture, disinterest in the poor, disregard for the environment -- are about as un-Christian as you can get. Despite that, they've managed to paint themselves as the preachers on the hilltop, here to save us all from the evils of the world. It's total bullshit, but it works.

That's why we see folks like Tom DeLay, whose photo is next to the word 'corruption' in the dictionary, cry that he's a victim of persecution because of his Christianity, not because of his arrogant, unethical, outwardly corrupt power-wielding. It's why DeLay's compatriot in corruption, Jack Ambramoff, surrounds himself with the hyperbolic frontmen of the Religious Right. These are not Men of God; these are men who've appropriated God for there own evil purposes. Most frighteningly, it's why Rove plays the "he's on a misson from God" card when he needs to go to war. Hell, it's happening now with Bush's messianic posturing on Iran.

God save us all. And Happy Easter.

MORE
The Green Knight: I Can't Stand These People
Shakes: God's Rotweiler Leads the Charge
HfA: 'We're all bit players in the presiden'ts apocalyptic passion play'

* hat tip to Sir Elton

2006-04-14T13:47:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
1. Of Course Bush isn't going to fire Rumsfeld, he and Dick have already launched the 2006 Iranian War. Heckuva job Rummy. (Raw Story)
2. Rising Hegemon reports that Bush has volunteered to be 'the Tojo of the 21st century'. Awesome. Scary Awesome.
3. Shake's Sis on 'Predatory Feminism'.
4. Is it really that time of year? Is it really 'Catch an Illegal Immigrant Day' already?! Hooray for ultra-nationalistic jingoism! No wonder they call Penn St. Happy Valley. (thx C&L)
5. Animation Friday: Bush does John Lennon,the Beach Boys and '24'.
Reminds me to visit here here. It's very theraputic to see his smirking face slam into those big balls every once in a while.

ON THIS DAY: In 1912, the sinking of the Titanic took 1,500 lives to the deep. In 2006, Bush's poll ratings are at 34%. Funny how history repeats itself, no?

Too bad there's no Rose Dewitt Bukater aboard the RMS Bushtanic.

2006-04-13T00:11:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
1. Whiskey Bar: Mutually Assured Dementia (Billmon discusses the seeming lack of interest amongst the media in the 'Bush set to drop nukes on Iran' story. He contends that much of it could be a feeling that "there is no way Bush would do that"; like Billmon, Paul Krugman says, "Yes He Would.")
2. Scheer: Now He Tells Us (Colin Powell comes clean about 3 years too late, prompting our beloved Shakespeare's Sister to dub him "a douchebag" and "possibly a traitor." Here, here sister.)
3. Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi refuses to concede election, case may go to the nation's high court. Chief Justice Scalia asks for a transfer.
4. Maj. Gen. John Batiste: Rumsfeld Should be Replaced (so that makes 4 former generals and about 4 million bloggers, right?)
5. Lingeman: The Gospel of Scooter (just in time for Easter!)

ON THIS DAY: In 1883 Alferd Packer became the first of only two people in U.S. history ever imprisoned on charges of cannibalism. Today, Dick Cheney serves as our vice president. Draw your own conclusions.

Tastes like chicken!

2006-04-12T02:44:00.000-04:00

The DAYS DAILY 5
1. First Draft details Bush's inarticulating and mis-grammaring in yesterday's speechifying.
2. Palast: A Leaky President Runs Afoul of Little Rico
3. Iraq: Not even the beauty queens are safe.
4. Pelta-Heller: One City Under God (think Domino's will supply the communion wafers?)
5. Jane at FDL: "The boos were not for Cheney's crap pitch. They were for his crap vice-presidenting."

Incoming!

ON THIS DAY: In 1994, Laurence Canter and Martha Siegel, lawyers natch, unleashed the first massively deployed instance of commercial 'spam' on the poor, unsuspecting Usenet masses. While I'm grateful for all the penis enlargment offers, I think we'd be better off without them. We'd find them and kill them, but we can't navigate our way around all these pop-ups. Fuckers.

2006-04-11T23:43:00.000-04:00

TAL AFAR AND AWAY
A few weeks ago, Preznit Bush highlighted the Iraqi city of Tal Afar as an example of his administration's successful planning in Iraq:

“The example of Tal Afar gives me confidence in our strategy. In this city we see the outlines of the Iraq that we and the Iraqi people have been fighting for, a free and secure people who are getting back on their feet."

Three days later, a suicide bombing on the outskirts of the city killed 40 people and residents of Tal Afar claimed Bush was living in a fantasyworld. Despite this, Bush again cited Tal Afar as an example of success just yesterday. Shortly thereafter, it was reported that one American soldier was killed and another wounded in the city over the weekend. So please, Mr. Bush, for the safety of everyone, I beg of you: Stop talking about Tal Afar! Idiot.

'What? I jus' say wut dey tell me ta!'

To be fair, it appears there has been some success in stemming the tide of violence in Tal Afar. Unfortunately, this success is the exception in Iraq, not the rule. It also took three years to get this one city relatively secure, which is not the fault of the troops on the ground but rather further evidence of something we've known for a long time: That the administration's 'on the cheap' war plan failed to provide enough troops to begin with. Worst. War Plan. Ever.

Amazingly, according to The New Yorker's George Packer, the Pentagon is showing no signs of replicating this counterinsurgency tactic anywhere else in Iraq, despite it's relative success. Packer goes on to theorize that it's probably too late anyhow since what the troops are dealing with now isn't so much an insurgency as it is a sectarian Civil War. Our brave men and women are being led by full-on idiots, not one of which has been fired. Shameful.